Author Archives: erineph

About erineph

I'm Erin. I have tattoos and more than one cat. I am an office drone, a music writer, and an erstwhile bartender. I am a cook in the bedroom and a whore in the kitchen. Things I enjoy include but are not limited to zombies, burritos, Cthulhu, Kurt Vonnegut, Keith Richards, accordions, perfumery, and wearing fat pants in the privacy of my own home.

Medium

You know how I don’t write much here anymore, to the point where I honestly just struggled over whether to type “write” or “right,” and that’s something I’ve never done, not even when I was first learning how to put … Continue reading

Posted in The Internet is My Boyfriend, Writing

Home Is Where It Isn’t Anymore

My father called a couple of weeks ago. It was in the evening and after a particularly hellacious day, so I was already ¾’s high and in no mood to coherently speak to my father or listen to him read … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged ,

The Rush of the Eurotrash Hesher

Some people get a rush out of stealing. Others, gambling. Others, punching people in the face in a secret underground gathering full of white males who are upset that their millennia-old power structure seems to be crumbling on a microscopic … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , ,

When Life Gives You Lemons

It’s said that if you want to be a writer, then you need to read writing that is good. I suppose that if you want to write a blog, you should read blogs that are good, but this is assuming … Continue reading

Posted in Writing

A Confession

About four years ago, I was working for a corporation that everyone in my city thought of as the golden ticket of employment. People would ask where I worked and, when I told them, would reply “how did you get … Continue reading

Posted in I Heart, Paychecks Are Important | Tagged , ,

Home and Far Away

The thing about being essentially homebound to recover from abdominal surgery is that eventually, even if you think you’re a champion recluse who never needs to leave the house, you will get terrifically bored and start to act out in … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , | 1 Comment

BUT THERE’S FREE FOOD

Have you read that open letter to Yelp’s CEO, written by a 25-year-old CSR at the company? Okay fine this was like 2 weeks ago, but I have been concerned with recovering from organ removal so excuuuuuse me. Anyway, I … Continue reading

Posted in I Just Can't, Paychecks Are Important | Tagged ,

Truckin’

At this time last week, I was just going into surgery to have what turned out to be a 5-lb tumor removed from my uterus, which had expanded to 16 times its regular size and was roughly the size of … Continue reading

Posted in WTF | Tagged , , , , | 2 Comments

A Barren Woman

If you were one of those people who, throughout my life, told me that I couldn’t possibly know that I didn’t really want kids, or who insisted I would change my mind as I got older, or who scoffed at … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized, WTF | Tagged , , , , | 1 Comment

The Ron Swanson of Partial Hysterectomies

My absence here has been conspicuous, but also by design. There’s little that’s happened that I felt like talking about, or at least opening a discussion about, as this blog has become since readership shrunk. Which I guess isn’t a … Continue reading

Posted in I Hate, WTF | 3 Comments