You don’t need to get married, buy a house, have a kid or know how to decipher your 401(k) in order to feel like an adult. Those things might help, and I suppose that everyone does have different criteria for quantifying their feelings. But if you really want to feel like an adult, if you want to feel like you’re supporting yourself and paying your dues and somehow managing to get by, all you have to do is file your taxes.

I don’t know why I always put off my taxes. I got my W-2 early this year. It was handed to me at work on February 1^st. I could have gone home that night and did them, but instead I put them on my desk and realized this past week that shit, I haven’t done my taxes yet so after work one day, I buckled down for 30 minutes and prepared myself to be disappointed.

You guys, did you know that in Washington, you don’t have to file a state return? I KNOW! All my working life I’ve been yanked around by Missouri (worst state for returns, they demand the most money and usually fuck it up), Virginia and California and finally I’m in a place where my federal return isn’t negated in any way by what a state says I owe them. The cost of living in Seattle may be a kick in the nuts, but at least it’s getting paid back in teeny tiny increments at one time of year.

Speaking of cost of living, I’ve started looking for a new place to live. Not seriously, though; that won’t happen until early next month. But I’m looking, and if taxes are the best way to make you feel like an adult, then weeding out fraudsters while apartment hunting is the best way to really invigorate your soul. It’s also a very competitive market here, as in, if you don’t get on a place in the first 20 minutes after it’s posted, you might as well not even try. I keep telling myself to not bother checking unless I’m feeling particularly ambitious and bloodthirsty that day.

I was not feeling particularly ambitious or bloodthirsty last night, though, which is why Courtney, Vanessa and I sat around my house and watched the Best of Unsolved Mysteries box set ($8.72, eligible for Amazon Prime!). It wasn’t as amazing as I remembered it to be, but it was still pretty good, also we surprise-recognized Matthew McConaughey in his first TV role and found out that Vanessa miiiiiight have telekinetic powers. I can’t prove it but I’m not 100% unconvinced, so for the time being, I’m just not going to startle her or make her mad because I don’t need any parts of my ceiling falling down around me.

At least I didn’t spend any money to stay home. I’m also not spending any money tomorrow when Graham and I go to the food show. Graham is definitely in the food service industry but I am only in there on a technicality, so basically, we’re going to eat free food and drink free booze all morning like a couple of super-organized hobos, and only one of us is doing it for work.

That’s what being an adult is like, kids. Filing your taxes, figuring out which of your friends has psychic powers, and scamming on free food and drinks whenever you can.