They’re Coming to Take Me Away Ha Ha

We were too far away on a mountaintop to pick up our CSA this week, so until Sunday (when we pick up two boxes and force everyone to let us make them dinner), I’m stuck buying produce at the grocery store like some kind of peasant. It’s actually harder than it used to be. I’m aware of how many pesticides, fungicides, and other shit I ingest in conventionally-grown food, not to mention the gallons of fuel burned to truck it from California, Mexico, or wherever else it was grown to Seattle. I could bypass a lot of this garbage by sticking to the organic and local section of the store, but then I’d be paying about a billion dollars for a pretty paltry amount of food, and of course I’d spend all of my time from buying it to cooking it to eating it to possibly shitting it out calculating the cost compared to the cost of my portion of the weekly CSA box (it comes down to like $14, which is nuts when you consider the racket the grocery store is running on us).

The cost vs. poison issue is difficult to validate now that my body actually craves the nutrients it’s been getting. Instead of wanting Doritos in the middle of the day, I find myself thinking about spinach. And sweet onions. And carrots. And apricots. Oh god, the apricots. It’s like if you make yourself drink more water, you know? Keep drinking a ton of water every day and eventually, when your body registers thirst, it won’t think of quenching it with soda or beer (well, that depends on your day). It will want water. Now I just want fruit, vegetables, and okay, fine, I still want beer, but I also can’t afford to pay double the cost of my CSA portion so I guess the poison will have to do.

But only until Sunday.

Perhaps it’s because I refer to the chemicals coating our food as “poison,” but recently, my boss called me a hippie. A hippie. I mean, dude. Anyone who knows me (or reads this blogs, or sees my picture, or is ever within about 50 feet of me ever) knows that I cannot possibly be a hippie, as hippies don’t have this many tattoos or curse so much. Also I don’t smoke weed, the only tie-dye I wear is one of Graham’s old shirts and I only wear it to bed, and I kind of wish those trustafarian dicks on Whale Wars would get water cannoned off their damn boat by some angry Japanese fisherpeople, already. And most importantly, Phish sucks.

So I’m definitely not a hippie, but I do realize that some of my views on food, corporate ownership of food, and the obscene levels of consumption in this country could be seen as sort of radical by the kind of people who shop exclusively at Costco and Kohl’s and think the word “organic” is as much of a sham as the term “global warming.” And if that’s the case, then fine. I’ll be a hippie to those people.

I’m sure a lot of people would probably also think I’m a lunatic for some of the other things I think, too, such as I’m not sure why anyone was surprised after the Snowden/PRISM leak. Outraged, understandable, but surprised? If you didn’t think the government was already monitoring your e-mails, phone calls, and text messages, then were you ever paying attention in the first place? And do you really think he’ll ever get asylum — that anyone will ever get asylum — anywhere? And that his eventual “accidental” death will actually be an accident? C’mon. What movies have you been watching?

Also, I think aliens are probably just super evolved human beings. But I don’t believe in Sasquatch, the current influence of the Illuminati or other similar organizations, and hey, you contrail people? You are fucking crazy.

About erineph

I'm Erin. I have tattoos and more than one cat. I am an office drone, a music writer, and an erstwhile bartender. I am a cook in the bedroom and a whore in the kitchen. Things I enjoy include but are not limited to zombies, burritos, Cthulhu, Kurt Vonnegut, Keith Richards, accordions, perfumery, and wearing fat pants in the privacy of my own home.
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2 Responses to They’re Coming to Take Me Away Ha Ha

  1. Becky Lott says:

    I’ve really be learning a lot about foods. I’ve been learning about what’s real vs fake healthy. The only reason I don’t eat organic/local food all the time is cost. Sometimes it’s worth it.

    • erineph says:

      If I didn’t have the CSA, I’d eat far less organic or locally grown. And even the CSA was a big upfront cost, although I was able to reconcile it with the weekly breakdown.

      And it sucks, but seeing as though I have no kids, no mortgage, and no debt, I’m more willing to spend more money on food, because the alternative is plastic corn from Monsanto, hormone-filled and pesticide wax-coated apples, and lettuces that come in plastic bags. I mean…gross.

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