You’re Not a Revolutionary, You’re Just an Asshole

There was a riot in Seattle last night. Well. A mini-riot. In the wake of the May Day labor and immigration reform march, a group of “anti-capitalist” anarchists wearing black showed up in a shopping/tourism hub (really a small neighborhood that serves as a mall) and started breaking shit. The most serious injuries sustained were reportedly a bruise on a cop’s leg caused by someone throwing a rock at him, as well as a woman who got a few cuts when someone threw something through her car’s window as she drove past.

The Seattle Times published a pretty hilarious/cringe-inducing account about it, focusing on the comparatively small group of people who completely misunderstood the purpose of the May Day march not because they’re especially stupid, but rather because they’re embarrassingly self-involved. According to the paper, the group marched into the mall-ish neighborhood chanting “let’s go shopping, let’s go shopping” and then promptly lost their sense of direction (because as a participant noted, the problem with anarchy is that no one’s supposed to be a leader) and discussed going over to “mess with the cops.”


Seattle anarchists, you need to get your shit together.

You smashed Sun Liquor’s window because…why? They overcharge for drinks? Well, fine, but so do most of the bars in this city. Big deal. Or maybe you don’t really care that they overcharge for drinks, you just want to cause damage. Which would mean that you have no real problem with capitalism, you just can’t stand to sit still for one whole night because it’s so much more fun to ruin someone else’s day. And now some of them are demanding investigation into the police force’s use of tear gas and concussion grenades, which proves my theory about so-called anarchists:

It’s all fun and games until the anarchy’s happening to you.

Anarchy sounds like a great idea to young punks and old idiots because who doesn’t like the idea of no rules? But without rules there’s no law, and without law there’s no legal recourse, and without legal recourse there’s no one to help you when some aggro motherfucker bashes your face in with a baton. Or steals your car. Or barges into your house, says “Oi, I live here now” (because that’s how anarchists still talk in my mind), and kicks you out into the street.

You can’t choose which laws you’ll ignore and which ones will protect you. You shouldn’t ruin an otherwise peaceful day of legitimate political concern with your fuckery. You really shouldn’t decide to “mess with the cops,” especially after they’ve given you zero provocation aside from standing there, which by the way is not actually a crime, although smashing in windows and assaulting others most certainly are, and the only one surprised by that is you.

Don’t you have anything better to do? Like learn shit, or maybe participate in the political process instead of smashing a few dozen beer cans over your head and deciding to make a statement about your idiocy? The fuck’s wrong with you, anyway?

There’s no purpose. You don’t have a message. You’re not a revolutionary, you’re just an asshole.

About erineph

I'm Erin. I have tattoos and more than one cat. I am an office drone, a music writer, and an erstwhile bartender. I am a cook in the bedroom and a whore in the kitchen. Things I enjoy include but are not limited to zombies, burritos, Cthulhu, Kurt Vonnegut, Keith Richards, accordions, perfumery, and wearing fat pants in the privacy of my own home.
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2 Responses to You’re Not a Revolutionary, You’re Just an Asshole

  1. Anonymous says:

    Let me just say, I love your candor and your irreverent way of laying out the brazen ridiculousness of…well, pretty much everything politico, bigoted, racist, sexist, and just overall irrational in the world we live in. As far as the Seattle D-bags that call themselves anarchists with an “anti-capitalist” agenda, well, we both know that “anarchists” don’t have a specified agenda other than general lawlessness, hence the word anarchy. So, one down the proverbial punk pipe… next, if this pseudo anarchist group had paid any attention at all they probably should have picked a day like Black Friday or, hmmm I don’t know gone to a Wal-Mart or some Gigantic Corporate Capitalist establishment and kicked some shopping carts around. I love Seattle and yes, just like any city there are chain restaurants, coffee shops, and stores but it’s definitely not a bastion of capitalism, more like a sandbar of Small Business’. See, that’s the problem with the masses…the, as you said, “young punks and old idiots” they spend their time playing video games, watching Jack A**, hate texting, cyber bullying, or watching Faux News Show, Bill O’Reilly or listening to Rush Limbaugh. So the “young punks” have absolutely no social investment, no idea what is happening in the world around them and don’t care, and consequently no conscience because nothing and nobody means anything to them since they have absolutely no emotional, social, or familial growth. They have never had to build face to face relationships with anyone, which taught us conflict resolution, loyalty, consequences, patience, etc… they never had to ride their bikes to their friends house to talk and hang out and build relationships based in communication, trust, honesty, and empathy so everything they do is just NOW – no thought, no care. The “old idiots”, what can I say when they actually believe that the Fox News Show is actually News and not commentary off the sweaty back of an actual JOURNALIST who worked their butts of to go to, research, fact check, etc…to get the TRUTH, unbiased basic truth. Then those a-holes make a killing off of saying things that make me want to take the TV of the person watching it and hit them over the head with it, because it’s to late to change their minds(evil villain laugh)!
    Your awesome!

    • erineph says:

      Heh…”a sandbar of Small Business.” Basically true of any major city, which these assholes would know if they bothered to become invested in one. Truth.

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