Dress Hunt

Now that the details have been decided, I’m on the lookout for a blue dress to wear in Stephanie’s wedding. Knee-length, cobalt or thereabouts, no complicated textures or embellishments. It should be said up front that I hugely appreciate the kind of freedom she’s giving us; most brides don’t give a fuck about what their friends feel comfortable wearing or paying for, and I think the criteria she’s given are extremely broad. So it shouldn’t be too hard, but I don’t really ever buy dresses, so I feel a bit lost. I guess I’ll start hitting up some of the shops I’ve seen around my neighborhood and see if they have anything. I already tried ModCloth without much success, plus I got a dress from there once that was allegedly my size but fit more like a rapidly color-fading tablecloth. I also checked ShopBop where they have decent prices but everyone looks like a whore, and I don’t really know what other sites to check.

I did check Nordstrom.com, because they seem to have a decent filtering system and a number of workable categories. I’m not about the pay the prices for anything they call a Bridesmaid Dress, though, so I’m currently trying to trick them into thinking I’m looking for a Wedding Guest Dress. So far, the Bridesmaid Dresses look nicer. There are a number of other categories to check still, so I haven’t yet ruled out Cocktail, Formal, and, god help me, Homecoming. I’m not even dealing with Prom.

While I haven’t found a dress I like/am willing to afford at this point, I have found a few concerning photos of models in other dresses, which is so far the highlight of this exercise.

bridesmaiddress 1
Did this girl just get screamed at by Tyra Banks or something? She looks like she’s either going to kick the photographer in the nuts or just throw up all over the floor. Why so serious, Model?

bridesmaiddress 2
I don’t want to get into a “asking for it” kind of argument with anyone, but can anyone else draw the parallel between this dress, the model’s raggedy hair, and the apprehensive-yet-desperate-for-cash “you want to put what where and for how much?” look on this girl’s face?

bridesmaiddress 3
“Did I eat one jellybean today, or two? Better do another Master Cleanse just in case.”

bridesmaid dress 5
This girl isn’t really a model, she’s just some girl trying on a bridesmaid dress and fantasizing about punching the bride who’s making her wear it.

bridesmaid dress 4
These girls appear next to one another on every page I’ve viewed so far, leading me to conclude from their arm positions that they are interpretive dancers performing a “now ooooopen the door, now clooooose the door” routine.

bridesmaid dress4a
“I am going to murder these bitches.”

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About erineph

I'm Erin. I have tattoos and more than one cat. I am an office drone, a music writer, and an erstwhile bartender. I am a cook in the bedroom and a whore in the kitchen. Things I enjoy include but are not limited to zombies, burritos, Cthulhu, Kurt Vonnegut, Keith Richards, accordions, perfumery, and wearing fat pants in the privacy of my own home.
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2 Responses to Dress Hunt

  1. Becky says:

    One site I like to order dresses from is Dorothy Perkins. Weird name…cute stuff. Decent prices too. Just a tip!

  2. cj says:

    Ha, your interpretations of their expressions are priceless. Brilliant idea.

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