Explosion at the Seams

I changed a few things over on my sidebar. The links have been cleaned up a little; the deactivated (or just inactive) links on the Blogroll are mostly gone, and the short list of sites I visit frequently has been removed because either the links could fit into the Blogroll or I just didn’t see the point anymore.

Also, I added “The Voices in My Head” because every time I mention a podcast to someone, I’m asked how I find out about the podcasts to which I subscribe. The answer is uh, I don’t know, but here’s some podcasts I like and a lot of the people who do them mention podcasts they like, and then you can go find those and get really into the Internet even more.

Every time I reorganize my blog, I wonder if I shouldn’t put my Categories up higher on the page. Like under the Twitter feed or something. It would make more sense since this is my blog, but I also get a not insignificant amount of traffic from other people’s blogs each week, and I guess if the Blogroll is higher up and therefore more visible, that means I might be able to return the favor. Does this make sense? To the small percentage of readers who actually comment, would you rather see the Categories section above the Blogroll or keep it where it is now?

Does it matter at all to you? Or is this all an elaborate ruse I’ve perpetrated to keep myself from exploding at the seams at this thing, which isn’t really an article or a blog or anything that makes any fucking sense at all because the woman who wrote it is a sanctimonious idiot who’s just doing her part to advance the myth that being a mother is the single most important thing that anyone could do with their life and anyone who disagrees just doesn’t know any better.

Oh dear. Here it comes. The explosion at the seams. I’m sorry, everyone, I tried to be like this:

But it’s coming out like this:

Hey, Janine Kovac? How about you shut your asshole mouth? How about you use your apparently extremely broad experience (you know, the one you feel is so much more rich than your childless friend’s) to include the very real truth that parenthood is not a biological imperative for everyone, and that not every woman who casually wonders if she’s ready to be a parent actually wants to be, or is envious of your life, or isn’t as brilliant/compassionate/wordly/willing to be fulfilled as you think you are. Jesus, I casually wonder about nipple rings and why people live in yurts, but that doesn’t mean I’m interested in doing either one. But you wouldn’t know that. You’re too smart for that.

I mean, with this shit you wrote?

“In a way, telling yourself that you’re not ready to become a parent is like saying, “I’m not ready to broaden my horizons.” Or, “I’m not ready to be humbled on a daily basis.” Or, “I’m not ready to feel my heart swell up with admiration and pride”…I know it seems like a big step. I know it looks like motherhood is giving up yourself. It’s not. It’s just shedding the parts of you that you don’t really need anymore.”

Oh! Really! Thank you, Janine Kovac, thank you for that estimation. Thank you for telling anyone who isn’t yet or doesn’t want to be a mother that their life is either fundamentally incomplete or filled with superfluous, non-child bullshit, and for implying that their inability or refusal to imitate your choices is selfish. Thank you so much for that, without you I wouldn’t have known what a loser I am.

And while I’m thanking you, I should also congratulate you on what I think your agenda really is, and that’s being a fucking bitch to this friend of yours. While I know you’re so busy saving the world with your Mothers Are God agenda, it’s super impressive that you took the time to jab snarky asides at someone you claim to like but are apparently disgusted by, although you perhaps don’t see why this person would pick up on your shitty fucking attitude and compare your offspring to their dog. Which is probably way friendlier than your kids will turn out to be with you as their mother.

A person who writes this kind of garbage doesn’t need to have kids. These are not the words of a person who wishes to impart wisdom, understanding, and life experience to a friend or to a future generation. These are the words of a condescending, self-righteous shit-for-brains who doesn’t at all represent all the mothers of the world, but who has been unfortunately chosen by some editor to be their voice.

To the mothers I know, let this be your signal. Unleash Hell.

About erineph

I'm Erin. I have tattoos and more than one cat. I am an office drone, a music writer, and an erstwhile bartender. I am a cook in the bedroom and a whore in the kitchen. Things I enjoy include but are not limited to zombies, burritos, Cthulhu, Kurt Vonnegut, Keith Richards, accordions, perfumery, and wearing fat pants in the privacy of my own home.
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7 Responses to Explosion at the Seams

  1. Well put and thank you for not contributing to over population!!

  2. Carmen says:

    Oh, Jesus. I just read Kovac’s blog post. What a spew of condescending, self-righteous breeder drivel. Stupid bitch. I hope “Doris” hit the delete button on their “friendship.”

  3. abbireads says:

    Ugh. Ugh ugh UGH.

    I have a kid. She’s a big part of my life. But she does not define my entire being, nor am I that different of a person than I was two years ago.

    So perhaps having a kid is a transcendental experience for some people. That’s awesome. You go do that, and don’t force your epiphany on the childless masses. Having a kid is never a good solution to your problems, unless your problem is that your house is perpetually too clean, and even then, the dog that she so disdainfully dismissed as not worth anyone’s time is still probably your best bet.

    And does this woman really think that telling her friend to be more observant and get off the couch will inspire her to have children, seeing as how when you have a kid, sometimes the reward of watching two back-to-back, uninterrupted episodes of ANYTHING, even a three-minute webisode, seems like a treat beyond words?

    In closing, if she gets to generalize and condescend, then I do too: Women like this are why people think all people with kids are intolerable.

    The end.

  4. abbireads says:

    Also: someone I follow on Twitter just got a puppy, and the experience prompted her to comment, “I may have missed the very narrow window of opportunity in which I had the patience to become a parent.”

    My friend Paul, who has twin two-year-old boys and therefore knows a little something about the subject, replied: “I call bullshit on Parents With Patience.”

    To which I say, in Internet parlance, THIS.

  5. Carmen says:

    Reading Kovacs triggered bad memories of why I once had to quit an otherwise good job. This particular workplace was overrun by minivan-driving, multitasking suburban breeders who used the office and conference room as an unlicensed daycare facility and had zero ability to converse intelligently with any co-worker who wasn’t on the Family Track. I hated the attitude of these people and their built-in expectation that the office should revolve around and totally accommodate their parental schedules

    • erineph says:

      I’ve been in the same boat; my desire to remain childless has actually been called out in a staff meeting. The way I see it, either extreme is a poisonous attitude. It’s ridiculous to look at all parents as imprisoned societal norm-driven robots, but it’s equally shitty to condescend to people who don’t have kids as undeserving of equal treatment.

      Because it’s Janine Kovac and people like her who perpetrate what Abbi said: “In closing, if she gets to generalize and condescend, then I do too: Women like this are why people think all people with kids are intolerable..”

  6. Carmen says:

    Honestly, I don’t hate kids. Just their PARENTS.

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