The Loneliest Dicks

The other day, I posted on Facebook that Seattle had had three sunny days in a row, which, from October through April, anyway, is something to post about. When I lived in Southern California, I hardly ever left the house because another sunny day was just another sunny day (also I was super depressed and married to someone I hated but ANYWAY), so it didn’t really matter if I made the most of it or not. But in Washington, another sunny day is like a gift, and if I don’t trudge at least a few miles through it, I feel like I’ve wasted Seattle’s time. On the plus side, my legs are getting much stronger and it’s not as much torture to haul my ass up some of these hills. On the minus side, I’m really, really fucking lazy in the first place.

It can be difficult for me to leave the house sometimes. I’m not (currently) depressed and I’m not overly anxious, but for the most part, I just like hanging out alone. I like reading. I like dicking around on the Internet. It doesn’t usually occur to me to go out and do stuff, especially when it’s cold, rainy, or late and also I’m trying to save money because my next job interview isn’t until Tuesday. When Mike called last night to make me go see Titus Andronicus, I was surprised because I’d forgotten that it was even happening. I was about to decline but remembered that I need to get out of the motherfucking house sometimes, and met him in Capitol Hill for most of the show.

Most of the show.

It was a good show, but I have this thing about being in one place for a certain length of time (which isn’t a set length of time, and it’s not like I start de-enjoying whatever I’m doing after that…it’s like I have an internal Enjoyment Quotient, and once I’ve reached it, I disengage). We were there for both openers and I stayed for about ¾ of the TA set when I decided that I wanted to grab a burger on my way to the bus stop, and also I didn’t want Mike to have to drive me home when he has to wake up at like six every morning.

So I got my burger, got on the bus, and went home, where I waited for Graham to get home from the show he went to, and then we watched an episode of Cheers and I went to sleep.

To me, this was an incredibly satisfying night. I got to get coffee with Mike, see a show, eat greasy food, and see Graham for a little while before bed. It doesn’t seem like much to a lot of people (including Me From Several Years Ago) but this is what I’m working with now. It’s not easy for me to remember to go out or get motivated once I remember, but I’ve been breaking everything down with a series of IF…THEN statements.

IF I go to this show, THEN I get to see my friend.
IF I leave the house early, THEN we can have coffee together.
IF I catch an earlier bus, THEN I won’t have to wait for the next one and I can see Graham.
IF I walk 4 miles, THEN I get to stop at the sandwich place on my way home.
IF I stay out longer, THEN I can catch up on more podcasts.
IF I go a block around, THEN the panhandlers at the rich hippie grocery store won’t ask me for money AGAIN, even though I can’t even afford to shop there and I see them every goddamn day and they all wear really nice shoes.

Lest you think I’m doomed to a life of unpopularity/hermitdom (which I sort of expect of myself, too), apparently someone in my old office was going to dress as me for Halloween. I’d already been gone for a month, by the way:

That’s right, Zach. You failed this time instead of me. And I do have great hair.

About erineph

I'm Erin. I have tattoos and more than one cat. I am an office drone, a music writer, and an erstwhile bartender. I am a cook in the bedroom and a whore in the kitchen. Things I enjoy include but are not limited to zombies, burritos, Cthulhu, Kurt Vonnegut, Keith Richards, accordions, perfumery, and wearing fat pants in the privacy of my own home.
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