Binder Woman

One of my neighbors has a yard. It’s not much of a yard, maybe 6’ x 8’, and there’s no landscaping in it. Just a square patch of grass, easily maintained (one would think). Today, there are landscape dudes back there to lay sod on it. It’s been literally three guys with small armfuls of sod squares walking back there, laying each piece down, and standing on it. And then one of the guys tested a corner by the sidewalk by sticking a broom handle in and out of it a bunch of times until eventually I got uncomfortable watching it because it seemed a little dirty.

It’s just that…I mean, it’s barely a yard. And laying a few armfuls of sod on it isn’t really yardwork, and just thinking about how expensive houses are here and how shabby so many of them are in my neighborhood – like people buy the house and then don’t have any more money left to make it look like it’s not abandoned – makes me wonder how anyone pays landscapers to do such a simple job.

I might be in one of the most liberal parts of the country, but in yardwork and politics, I do not understand my neighbors.

As I mentioned, I watched the debate last night. While about ¼ of my time was spent internally berating the question askers (because how are you even undecided at this point, and would you vote for a Kardashian if it got you on TV?), the rest of the time was spent posting to Twitter and laughing hysterically at both the debate and my feed.

Aside from a couple of moments where Obama stumbled on his words (his words, okay, not his response) and kept talking even though Candy Crowley reminded him to slow his roll (which was rude but Romney did it worse, if it matters), I thought Obama killed the debate, and in the moment where Romney served him a perfect opportunity to close the evening with not only a beautiful response but also a spot-on rebuttal of everything the Romney campaign has been trying to drag out this whole time, I screamed “FINISH HIM!!!” and was only a little bit bummed that none of my neighbors seemed to be watching, too.

No one cheered, I mean. Also, no one else laughed like crazy when Romney stood there shouting “GOVERNMENT DOES NOT CREATE JOBS GOVERNMENT DOES NOT CREATE JOBS,” apparently realizing too late that he wasn’t among the hooting howler monkey masses he normally sees at campaign stops. Most disappointingly, none of my neighbors shrieked “WHAT?!” when “binders full of women” happened, or kept shrieking when Romney implied that women can make the same amount of money as men, but they usually choose not to because of job scheduling.

Romney was so absurd last night that one of his responses spurred Jake and Nate to have a conversation about how, if Superman is impervious to bullets (implying that his body does not register the pain and/or trauma of a gunshot wound), wouldn’t it be easy to kill him by, like, putting a piece of cellophane over his mouth while he sleeps? If he’s unconscious then his body wouldn’t even notice, and since he breathes oxygen (which makes no sense as a Kryptonian but whatever), an unnoticed obstruction would likely kill him. Right?

Then I got this in the morning:



(ahem, sorry about the giant last one?)

I stopped screen-grabbing after this, although I assure you that super speed was discussed as well as lower levels of mytostatin and controlling adrenaline output. Of course.

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About erineph

I'm Erin. I have tattoos and more than one cat. I am an office drone, a music writer, and an erstwhile bartender. I am a cook in the bedroom and a whore in the kitchen. Things I enjoy include but are not limited to zombies, burritos, Cthulhu, Kurt Vonnegut, Keith Richards, accordions, perfumery, and wearing fat pants in the privacy of my own home.
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