Hee Haw

When I explain to people that I’m a registered Independent but almost always vote Democrat, one of the most common responses I get is that no party is perfect, and all politicians lie, and toeing just one party line is one of the reasons why we’re limited to a two party system, and blah blah blah everything else that unoriginal people who think they’re smarter than everyone else say. So I roll my eyes and walk away, angry that anyone like this bothers to ask how someone is registered in the first place, not to mention how anyone has the audacity to think these arguments are renegade.

Because obviously no party is perfect. Obviously people lie. Obviously the two party system can be harmful. But I still almost always vote Democrat because the alternative is to vote for a party that seeks to criminalize women, minorities, and the poor.

I vote Democrat because I will not proactively endorse a candidate who is determined to vote away the rights of the majority of people in this country because it makes them a little bit richer and a little bit closer to their version of God.

I vote Democrat because, historically, they spend less while still expanding social programs, and while I’m never going to be thrilled about paying taxes, I’d rather pay less of them to a war effort and more of them because I believe this country has a duty to protect its own citizens, and that the definition of protection is not limited to brainwashing poor people into Kevlar vests and sending them halfway across the world to point weapons at brown people just to pay for college.

I vote Democrat because I want to live in a country where military service isn’t compulsory in order to receive an education. I want to live in a country that doesn’t allow corporations to bankrupt citizens while the guilty face no penalties. I want to live in a country where the rich aren’t granted a government right to be rich and remain that way because God intended them to be. I want to live in a country where my uterus doesn’t make me a government-owned vessel or a target.

Of course I don’t believe that a Democrat will always vote as I wish or solve all of the problems I perceive this country to have. That’s why we have the right to vote; voting is a way to exercise our opinion, and participating in the voting process requires an understanding that the outcome might not be the one you wanted. But overall, I feel that a Democratic candidate is less likely than a Republican candidate to ignore science, fact, and historical context in favor of a narrow, self-serving version of religion, morality, and the principles of the Constitution. A Democratic candidate is less likely to speak as Todd Akin did when he said the following of pregnancy resulting from rape:

“It seems to be, first of all, from what I understand from doctors, it’s really rare. If it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut the whole thing down.”

The problem isn’t that Todd Akin is an ignorant shithead who knows nothing about biology yet is allowed to make laws restricting it. Not really. The problem is a general thought process in Akin’s party, one that is so far removed from the reality of this country and its citizens that I honestly can’t understand how anyone could wholeheartedly endorse it. The problem is that although several Republicans have already made statements voicing disapproval of Akin’s comments, the purpose seems to be less to vehemently oppose his views, but more to distance themselves from an unpopular opinion just before a major election. Even if Mitt Romney disagrees with Akin (and I think he probably does, because although he’s completely out of touch and awful, I don’t think he’s that stupid), he’s still a member of the party that votes the way Akin does, and for the same reasons.

Akin, who thinks that women’s bodies have built-in chemical defense rape detectors (see below), and who probably thinks we’re just all asking for it, and Jesus rode dinosaurs, and somewhere there’s a welfare queen in her castle hoarding away all of those socialist little benefits he’s paid her.

Also, guns came from God, keep these womerns outta the decisions, and who should pay more taxes than billionaires? Everyone. That’s right, everyone.

I vote Democrat because I don’t believe the law-making should be restricted to those who hide behind God, unreleased tax returns, and the hillbillies who believe it when they’re told that liberals are destroying their families and turning them into Communists. I really don’t believe in this new Republican marketing machine that seems to be churning out bigger idiot after bigger idiot in what I have to assume is a ploy at making the hillbillies think they’re just like them.

Give me the rich evil genius Republicans any day. I’ll still vote Democrat, but at least the arguments will be interesting.

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About erineph

I'm Erin. I have tattoos and more than one cat. I am an office drone, a music writer, and an erstwhile bartender. I am a cook in the bedroom and a whore in the kitchen. Things I enjoy include but are not limited to zombies, burritos, Cthulhu, Kurt Vonnegut, Keith Richards, accordions, perfumery, and wearing fat pants in the privacy of my own home.
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One Response to Hee Haw

  1. Agreed! I’ve been using the “Indpendent but usually vote Democrat” since my first vote in 1996. But if the Republicans keep up their utter nonsense every election cycle then I might have to just drop the Independent label eventually.

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