Everyone on Facebook seemed to think it was a joke, but I am totally serious about the zombie apocalypse beginning in Florida:
A Miami police officer fatally shot a naked man chewing the face of another man Saturday afternoon on a downtown causeway off-ramp, officials said…The Miami Herald reported that the naked man chewed off half the face of his victim, who is struggling for his life.
The officer, who was not identified, ordered the naked man to back away, but when the man continued the assault, the officer shot him, the Herald said. Witnesses told the Herald the wounded attacker continued to eat his victim, so the officer continued firing.
The naked man’s victim was transported to Jackson Memorial Hospital Ryder Trauma Center and had critical injuries, police told the Herald…Neither man was identified.
A police department news release about the shooting did not include many details provided by witnesses to the newspaper…Police requested surveillance video that had been obtained by the newspaper, the Herald reported.
REALLY, FLORIDA? And also, really, Facebook? What about this doesn’t seem horrifically foreboding to you? A naked man attacks another in broad daylight by chewing off his face and doesn’t stop after being shot. It takes six bullets to bring him down and not only is he not identified, but the police department doesn’t even release some easy-peasy excuse like he was on PCP or some other bad shit. And the victim gets taken to an area hospital for treatment but still isn’t identified, and who knows what airborne pathogens are floating all over the place now. I fully support being a rational user of the Internet and I don’t want to be an alarmist or anything, but THIS IS HOW IT STARTS. This here, this exactly, this is a sign that things are about to get seriously fucked up and out of control.
For someone who knows all about the zombie apocalypse, I don’t really have my shit together in the way of preparedness. Remember, I plan to bug in and sit tight until things are really fucked and then take a bunch of heroin. It’s not the most dignified way to go, but it sure beats a short lifetime of running from the horde and burying my poop. And that’s if I’m able to prevent infection in the first place, because who knows how it spreads? It could be in the air, or the water, or in the food supply. Then all my survival tools (ahem, numerous bottles of wine and a machete) are a moot point, and my only satisfaction will be briefly knowing that I was always right about the Doomsday Preppers in that a zombie apocalypse was way more likely than a supervolcano or EMP event.