Not a Phobia

I spend a lot of time by myself. Graham and I live together but have different schedules, and when it comes to any other kind of social life, I’m at the age where most friends are married with children, so it’s not really a matter of calling somebody up at 1am with “I’m bored, let’s go to the bar” anymore. This suits me fine. I like being alone because it gives me time to watch bad TV, read good books, write occasionally, and procrastinate about shaving my legs (I usually cave when the prickles start sticking through the fabric of my 10-year-old fat pants).

Another thing I can do when I’m alone is have an absolute freak out when a moth gets into the house. I’ve tried doing this in front of Graham before, but not only does he not take me seriously and kill the fucking moth, he looks at me like he has no idea what’s possessed me, like I’m the one with the problem instead of us because a moth is in our house.

Look, I don’t have a phobia of moths, or of bugs in general. I just don’t like them. There’s a difference between having a strong dislike of something and having a pathologically irrational fear that its presence will harm you. I know a moth probably won’t fly in my mouth, but that doesn’t stop me from having involuntary spasms of avoidance when I see one flying around the light from our TV. I know a spider won’t leap out and attack me when I’m trying to get into the garage, either, but I still don’t like seeing one sitting on the doorknob.

I’m also not one of those people who douses every surface with insect repellant and disinfectant, nor do I freak out when I find a waterbug carcass in the basement or see a gnat hovering around a lamp. It’s summer. We live in the city. There are just too many people and things crammed into the same space, and every now and then, all of it is going to overlap. As long as nothing approaches infestation levels and as long as I don’t have to even think about bedbugs, I’m doing okay.

It may help that The Cat has a thing for eating spiderwebs (I don’t know), Izzy has demonstrated superb fly-killing abilities (I don’t know, either), and there’s a neighborhood cat that likes hanging out in our backyard and who may be helpful in keeping all other vermin away from the house (it’s a nice cat and wears a collar that says its name is Bee Bee). This is my life. Being alone, remaining aware of the bug population, and surrounded by cats.

Forever At Home

New Slang, The Shins
If I Had a Gun, Noel Gallagher’s High Flying Birds
Hang Me Up to Dry, Cold War Kids
Lions of Least, Pontiak
Higher Palms, My Best Fiend
I Want You So Bad I Can’t Breathe, OK Go
Youth Knows No Pain, Lykke Li
Jandk, Ruby Fray
St. Apollonia, Beirut
People In Her Mind, Poor Moon
I Slept With All Your Mothers, Harriet
When Sally Walked in the Rain, The Young Evils
We Suspect He Was Trying to Spell Monkey, Bunnygrunt
The Only Place, Best Coast
Dirty Girls, Summer Babes
It’s Not You It’s Me, Coconut Records
My Sweet Lord, George Harrison
You Are My Face, Wilco
Darkmatter, Andrew Bird
Venus In Furs, DeVotchKa
Queen Black Acid, Menomena
In Circles, Sunny Day Real Estate
Bikeriders, Lucero
Promises, The Morning Benders
Buenos Aires Beach, The War on Drugs
Goodnight Laura, Spoon

About erineph

I'm Erin. I have tattoos and more than one cat. I am an office drone, a music writer, and an erstwhile bartender. I am a cook in the bedroom and a whore in the kitchen. Things I enjoy include but are not limited to zombies, burritos, Cthulhu, Kurt Vonnegut, Keith Richards, accordions, perfumery, and wearing fat pants in the privacy of my own home.
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2 Responses to Not a Phobia

  1. Tina says:

    If newspapers were still all the rage I would definitely say you should have your own column. A paying gig for your daily musings. While I am older, married and with kids, you still write about thoughts and situations that are very relatable.

  2. abbireads says:


    Seriously. There is very little that I hate more than a moth. I will take a snake and a spider who have joined forces with a camelback cricket before a moth. They’re like needy little dusty frantic bats. “Ooh! Look! There’s light! I’m going to fly around it like a caffienated hummingbird and occasionally run into your face on the way!!”

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