See what had happened was, I promised not to blog about my cat anymore and then I did nothing all weekend but take care of my cat. Only once did I change into real clothes, and then as soon as I returned from the grocery store, I was back inside a pair of yoga pants before I bothered putting any of the food away. Graham went to Moondance Farm’s planting party, something I’d planned on attending, as well, but the care of a semi-toothless cat whom I have known for ten years took priority. So it was me, The Cat, and acting like a slob all weekend.
Which I needed. I could have gone without squirting antibiotics into The Cat’s mouth (the single most stressful thing I’ve done all year), but with my job going the way it has lately, a weekend of doing nothing is all I can handle. It’s the same stuff. Too much work, not enough people, management that doesn’t know what the hell is going on 90% of the time so why not continue promoting the most incompetent, undeserving morons around, right? WHY NOT. I still leave the office every day with a hunchback and heartburn, although there is an upside to the soul-crushingness of the place. We’re so busy that my responsibility has become client e-mails, which are higher in number than but vastly preferable to phone calls because I don’t like talking to people about things. Yes, it’s easier to be an asshole if you can type your words without hearing someone else’s voice on the other end of the phone, but come on. It’s not like I don’t have experience working with assholes. I’d much rather read someone’s assholery (also stupidity, as some of our clients seem to think that “dire need” is actually said/typed “die or need,” and that “might as well” is actually “minus whale”) than listen to and be forced to respond to it.
I also like that I can stick some earbuds in my head and tune everyone else out. “Everyone else” includes ALF and her endless descriptions of her children’s bowel movements, one guy who seldom shows up because I think he has some weird kind of chronic pneumonia, and another who for no real reason says “here,” “out there,” and “actually” as commas to the point where I think I might go fucking crazy if I have to listen to him for the 4 hours we’re in the office at the same time.
I’m too depressed about all the music I may have lost to fill my phone up with songs, so while I’m at work, I stick to podcasts. I’m really amazed at all the people I know who don’t listen to podcasts at all, and who seem just as mystified by the word “podcast” today as everyone was by the word “blog” in 2001. Yes, everyone, podcasts are a real thing, and yes, most of them are people talking. If you can’t comprehend that, then I doubt you could focus on an episode. So…sorry. Neither podcasts nor this blog are for you.
Some of my favorite podcasts in relative order of listen frequency are:
The Film Pigs – If you have zero desire to almost pee in your pants at your desk while listening to three dudes (including one who sent me books once seriously you should read this) spend one hourlong episode talking about Steven Seagal movies, then I am sorry, but I do not know how to speak to you. The other episodes are also good – exception being the Thrillers one, although I may have found that one boring because I was stuck in traffic for most of it – and I’ve gotten really excited about hearing the dog in the background on occasion. I don’t know even about myself sometimes.
The Nerdist – Chris Hardwick and some other dudes host The Nerdist, which may have the greatest theme music of any podcast in the world. While I am normally a sourpuss who is turned off by relentless enthusiasm, Chris Hardwick is just the friendliest, most interested, and encouraging host to his guests. Plus he’s a fucking nerd, which is great. If you listen to nothing else, please download the Neil Patrick Harris episode and learn about how he’s a magician.
How Was Your Week – You all should know that in the most non-creepy way possible, Julie Klausner is the voice inside my head. She also has a highly contagious laugh, which makes me both laugh (obviously) and envious, because I have the most non-contagious laugh in the world (Dave says it sounds like a combination of a psychopath and Herman Munster).
The Pod F. Tompkast – Please explain to me how a person does not love Paul F. Tompkins. No seriously, explain it to me. I’ll wait. I just love that some people have fully adopted a technological medium like podcasting and learned to conduct interviews with it in the most comfortable, fascinating ways that don’t at all feel like you’re overhearing someone else’s conversation. Plus he’s hilarious, and is maybe the second voice in my head when Julie Klausner is not available. Again, non-creepily, of course.
KEXP Song of the Day – Mostly for music purposes, from Seattle’s independent radio station.
You Had To Be There – I don’t know why I listen almost exclusively to podcasts by people in comedy, TV, and film when I have zero interest in working in any of those, but I do, and these ladies (Sara Schaefer and Nikki Glazer) are excellent at combining some of these things.
Mike and Tom Eat Snacks – This is supposed to be about reviews of snack foods, but like conversations I have with my friends, frequently careens into ridiculousness and Michael Ian Black is the “Mike” of this group.
The Mental Illness Happy Hour – More comedians, this time competing to see who is the most genuinely mentally ill (which is familiar territory for me, as this is what happens during family functions).
WTF With Marc Maron – I go back and forth with Marc Maron. He’s bitter, abrasive, and although a comedian usually not at all funny, but he can produce really engaged guests (including Matt Graham, who I just saw in a documentary about Scrabble players and apparently once tried to commit suicide by sawing off his own head with a bread knife…so yeah).
SMODcast – Kevin Smith and Scott Mosier’s show. I don’t really know what my personality would have become had I not grown up with Kevin Smith movies. Just kidding, I’d be super popular, successful, and thin. The tradeoff has been (mostly) worthwhile.
The Bat Segundo Show – Lit podcast. Worth listening to for writers you know, but can drag when it comes to authors you’ve never heard of and would probably not read.
The Splendid Table – Sometimes I like to listen to shows about food, and sometimes the only redeeming part is laughing at the Delicious Dish-style topics of discussion.
Minus whale? Really? People cannot be that stupid. Btw I love your laugh 🙂
Nikki Glaser went to high school with me and knows all my comedy buds! That last episode where she talks about the bully who bedazzles stilettos? I know that bitch. And I hate that bitch.