Last night, a friend and I were talking about how she stopped taking anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medications. It had been my opinion for a long time that she didn’t actually need them, because the depression and anxiety she’d experienced weren’t of the clinical variety, but rather the normal depression and anxiety felt during adulthood. Being anxious about paying bills doesn’t require medication, it requires that you suck it up and pay your fucking bills. However, her mom is in the medical field and works with patients who actually do need lots of medications, so while she meant well, the “conditions” she’d noticed didn’t really exist. And yes, we both know the potential dangers of going off of mood-altering medication, but this was like six months ago and this friend is the better for it.

This led to talking about how taking medications for being a grownup is actually pretty commonplace, as is resisting adulthood altogether by choosing to remain as fucked up and incapable as you were at 21. While it’s my curse to spend most of my life thinking about how I don’t have my shit together at all, in comparison to the hot messes on my Facebook feed, it turns out that I actually do, and by a wide margin. Part of this is due to my always wanting to be an adult. I was never one of those teenagers who wanted to sit around smoking weed all day. I wanted to get a job, I wanted to support myself, and I did things like getting my license, buying a car, and moving out at the soonest possible opportunities. As a result, I’ve been taking care of myself for more than 10 years now, although I do realize that some people may be a little fuzzy on the definition of “taking care of myself.”

So we’re clear, “taking care of myself” is not limited to living on your own, especially if you’re living in a shithole where your utilities keep getting shut off and you’re selling your stuff to make rent without the benefit of a drug addiction to blame. It’s not getting by on loans from your parents or having public mental breakdowns over bullshit like being yelled at by your boss. It’s not about going on vacation or getting another tattoo with that extra $1,000 in your bank account and then complaining that you don’t have money to get your car fixed. It’s not about not knowing how to cook anything more complicated than a Hot Pocket.

I realize that not everyone’s goals are the same and it’s not that I think everyone has to be a super capitalist cyborg, but when your refusal to act like an adult snakes into every aspect of your life and makes you incapable of supporting yourself at all (recent Facebook status of someone I know: “losing weight cause I can’t afford to buy food”), you should know that it’s not cute. It’s just sad, and you’re a fucking loser.

There’s No Medication That Stops You From Being a Loser

New York New York, Cat Power
Bite Hard, Franz Ferdinand
The Beach, Dr. Dog
Squalor Victoria, The National
Isla De Encanta, Pixies
Sunday Girl (French version), Blondie
The Unsinkable Fats Domino, Guided By Voices
John Allyn Smith Sails, Okkervil River
New Friend Jesus, Craig Finn
Oh, My Girl, Jesse Sykes and the Sweet Hereafter
Since I’ve Been Loving You, Led Zeppelin
Look, Sebastian Tellier
Blue Lead Fences, Loch Lomond
Socialite Death Squad, Idle Hands
Shirt, Menomena
Little Talks, Of Monsters and Men
Clear Eye Clouded Mind, Nada Surf
Don’t Mess Up My Baby, Black Lips
Someday Soon, Harlem
Comeback Kid, Sleigh Bells
Rich Kids Blues, Lykke Li
How Can You Swallow So Much Sleep, Bombay Bicycle Club
Death Rays, Mogwai

About erineph

I'm Erin. I have tattoos and more than one cat. I am an office drone, a music writer, and an erstwhile bartender. I am a cook in the bedroom and a whore in the kitchen. Things I enjoy include but are not limited to zombies, burritos, Cthulhu, Kurt Vonnegut, Keith Richards, accordions, perfumery, and wearing fat pants in the privacy of my own home.
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5 Responses to Perdador

  1. Becky says:

    You have no idea how relevant this post is to what’s been going on in my life and the conversations I had this weekend. Nice timing! (Btw I’m in agreement with you.)

    • erineph says:

      Girl please, I know that you almost always agree with me on topics of dumbassery, growing the fuck up, and when to start (and WIN) barfights.

  2. Thomas Fullabologna says:

    I’ve been thinking about the growing up thing quite a bit lately. I like that you have such a strong sense of your maturity. I also agree with you on your point about prescriptions. However, I’m not sure what, besides supporting yourself, is supposed to pass as grown up. I’m on that mission and if you have any clues, please let me know 🙂

    • erineph says:

      Hell if I know. To me, it’s mostly about being able to take care of yourself and pursue ends with some knowledge of your motivation. Like, don’t live in pathetic diseased squalor because you thought Trainspotting looked cool, live in pathetic diseased squalor because you really super duper enjoy heroin. It’s fine to collide randomly with other particles in the universe sometimes, but in my experience, most people who do this don’t really spend much time thinking about what’s happening or how it affects others. So that’s kind of annoying, if a stringent way for me to think.

      PS – I spent awhile yesterday catching up on your posts. I wish more people spent time figuring stuff out the way you do. I like reading it.

      • Thomas Fullabologna says:

        Yea, I totally get what you’re saying. I think its important to realize my effect and make some educated guesses on how colliding with particles affects people. But its my opinion that I don’t know the full extent of how it might be affecting people and to go down a road where I spend too much time thinking about that, would be my defeat.

        And hey! Thanks for the compliment! I like reading your blog too 🙂

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