Yesterday was the first day of me avoiding as many non-online retail outlets as possible until next year. Being in public is fraught with a certain amount of discomfort for me, so being in public during the holiday shopping season where suburban moms will shank a bitch for a parking spot makes me feel like breaking out in hives.

This is not to say that I oppose Black Friday. Well. I oppose the people who camp out for days (because it’s somehow legal when you’re buying stuff, as opposed to protesting a corrupt system and brutal police action) and assault anyone who gets close to “their” PS3. Those people are sick freaks who deserve to be tasered by mall security and shit their pants in front of everyone.  But the people who go to Black Friday to buy less than the gross national income of a third world slum, who do it because they’re individuals on a controlled income who might be buying one or two gifts for their kids who aren’t total shitheads, I understand why they do it. My sister went to Target at midnight to get some video game chair for like 60% off. While I do question why a mega-retailer needs to reap even more profits by opening at midnight instead of 6am like it used to when I was a kid, ultimately, I won’t begrudge the people who take advantage of this for non-disgusting reasons. My nephew is a good kid. He doesn’t get an obnoxious amount of presents every year. He’s a bit more spoiled because he’s an only child, but he gets far less than some of the only children I knew and as far as I’m concerned, that video game chair won’t hurt anyone.

But I wasn’t going to Target with her. I had to work at 7am the next day. Even if I was off work, my assistance would have been limited to letting my nephew stay over at my house while she shopped because, like the friend who did accompany my sister, “I’d rather eat fresh dog shit off the ground” than hang out at Target at midnight on Black Friday.

I buy gifts for as few people as possible. Not because I’m cheap, but…actually, yeah, it’s because I’m cheap. I’ve inherited my mother’s awesome gift buying ability, so I’d rather get a few people really good gifts than a lot of people really crappy gifts. I also like to get as much stuff as early as possible (and almost all online), so at the moment of writing, I’ve already finished shopping for Graham, my nephew, my mom, and my dad. Having to go to less places and buy less things means I can get more things done at home, or I would get more things done at home if a Star Wars marathon wasn’t on Spike right now.

Like, I know I should change the cat litter and vacuum all the crumbs off the couch and all that other shit, and like every reasonable person in the world, I can’t stand Jar Jar Binks, but Star Wars is like Independence Day. I can’t not watch it when it’s on TV. I think I own both and I can’t not watch it. If anything, it serves as a stress relief after the dream I had this morning. In it, I killed a guy. Like, slashed him a bunch of times and then brained/decapitated him with a rake. In fairness, he was trying to kill me and he looked like Vince Neil, but it was still really stressful.

Too Dead For Love

Tender, Blur
This Mess We’re In, PJ Harvey and Thom Yorke
All My Little Words, Magnetic Fields
Dilettante, St. Vincent
All Over Gently, Stephen Malkmus and the Jicks
You Will Always Bring Me Flowers, Shannon and the Clams
My Heart Does Swell, The Sandwitches
Bonnie and Clyde, Serge Gainsbourg
Our Angry Town Stamps Them Out, Gentleman Auction House
Ball & Chain, Murder By Death
Lonely Boy, The Black Keys
River Euphrates, Pixies
Palomino, Mates of State
Moves, The New Pornographers
Beach Comber, Real Estate
Butterfly, Weezer
Kill the Horns, Megafaun
I Hope You Die, Wye Oak
Went to the City, Crooked Fingers
I Died So I Could Haunt You, Stars
All Yr Songs, Diamond Rings
Parking Lot, The Coathangers
Long Walk Back, The Rifles
A Satellite, Stars, and an Ocean Behind You, The Submarines