Yesterday, an otherwise decent blogger asked a few questions of his followers: do animals feel emotional pain when they are spayed/neutered, or, when the offspring they produce when they are not spayed or neutered are taken away from them? He explained that he was asking because he was getting a corgi and having “pre-guilt” about these things.

My answer:

“If a dog is spayed/neutered before they reach sexual maturity, they experience temporary physical discomfort but no evident lasting emotional pain. Emotional pain is felt more by dogs who sit in shelters before being euthanized, so if you must, pick a rescued corgi.”

This was an incredibly civil response because a) I like this blogger, b) Internet arguing turns real stupid real fast, and c) Tumblr only allows a certain number of characters in a reply. My response covered my main points but didn’t include what was practically shooting out the top of my head in a shower of white hot rage sparks:

“YOU CARE ABOUT THE EMOTIONAL PAIN OF NEUTERING BUT YOU ALSO WANT A PUREBRED DOG? ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS, FUCKFACE?”

Because you guys. You guys. Seriously, you guys.

He was worried about the dog getting depressed about being fixed.
He was worried about the dog getting depressed about losing its offspring.
He was worried about the dog getting depressed in general.

Yet wants a corgi, which isn’t really that common of a dog (in real life, I mean, which is to say not on the Internet), to the point where they are expensive as fuck and pretty much have to come from a breeder. A breeder overbreeds their dogs in order to achieve certain characteristics, which generally results in inbreeding, genetic disease, and – oh, right  – multiple litters from unfixed dogs that are eventually separated from their parents at the behest of the highest bidder.

Meanwhile, there are “shelter” (which can also mean “pound” or “county animal control” or “about to be euthanized because some people would rather pay $3000 for a fucking corgi”) dogs who have been fixed to stop out-of-control animal populations, who have all of their shots, who have been screened for behavior and health and potential owners who might never get adopted because they don’t have the cutest ears or legs or Internet meme potential.

Are you just…are you kidding me here? Tell me what kind of depression is more important to you. Please, I’d really like to hear your justification for a genetically-engineered animal that anyone idiot would pay thousands of dollars to own versus the $50 dog in a cage at a government-underfunded facility that – at least in my own experience – is a hundred times more loyal, healthy, and good for your fucking karma.

Look, I know how cute corgis are. I know the Internet. Also Marley was also part corgi (I assume she was also part Martian, but that’s another story), so I get the painted eyes, stockinged feet, and ideal size for cuddling on the couch. But she was found by animal control on a busy street in Wildwood. Graham’s ex-girlfriend did him the great favor of buying Marley for him from a kill shelter just days before she was to be euthanized, and she was an incredibly sweet and perfect dog who didn’t match any breed standards but who fucking cares?

You rather have some Internet-ready dog than that? You would have to be crazy. Or just really fucking stupid.