The Classy House

Remember how I said that I’d looked at a house that was so perfect, I might cry a little if we didn’t get it? Yeah, well, we didn’t get it.


Oh my god, you guys, it’s such a great house. A little on the small side, but the layout is just open enough and there are enough rooms (including a nerd space in the basement where Graham can put his giant hideous TV, video games, and dorky board games) to make it feel bigger, plus it has a fenced yard and the kitchen is purple! Purple! And not a nacreous, puce-ish purple, either! Soft, heathery, perfect purple! And it comes with a firepit! And it was professionally decorated once! And the crown moldings, and all the appliances, and the slate floors in the kitchen! I was so excited when I first viewed the place that I practically begged for a rental application. This happened after I’d squeed! at the purple kitchen, as well as the non-Lovecraftian basement and single stream recycling dumpsters. This was a geekout that I was afraid may have mildly traumatized the owner, a woman who comes up to my chin, drinks craft beer, and smokes a pipe. I know I don’t know her at all right now, but I like to fantasize that I may have found the coolest landlord in the world. (No offense to my current landlords, who are also cool. Maybe they should take up pipe-smoking is all I’m saying.) Luckily, she and her partner seemed to like me, and she very graciously met Graham and I yesterday so he could see the place I’d already chosen. He called it a “classy house…definitely the classiest place I’ve ever lived in.”


Even though it’s only the next ZIP code over, it’s in a very good neighborhood. We have a K-9 cop on one side, a lawyer on the other, and two firemen next to the lawyer. OH! And! Another best part is that one of my favorite delis is within walking distance! If you ever wondered how Liz Lemon would go house-hunting in South St. Louis, look no further. I’ve got this.

I move in very early October. My lease is up during the second week (I think?) so my moving date will allow me to get all of my shit out and deep clean the following day. I have decent landlords now so I don’t want to stick them with a crappy place, but I also don’t want potential renters seeing the place while my stuff is still in it. While it does seem easier from their financial perspective, from a renter’s standpoint, it’s better to see it empty, plus the thought of strangers coming into my apartment while I’m still living there is just deeply creepy to me.

I thought this house was relatively big news until Ben called me to say that he and Vern FINALLY had that damn baby. I am not usually the child friendly type, but Ben and Vern are two of the best people in the world (example: they’ve been together since our sophomore year of high school and are still madly in love, and by that I mean they’re not lunatics but they do genuinely enjoy one another’s company) and they’ve done a good job with Samantha (who is 3 and goes by “Slamantha” when I am talking about her). So hey, Owen! I’m gonna teach you curse words!

But seriously, back to the house. This is my blog, goddammit.

I packed up all my books on Monday. It took six boxes. Six big boxes. I’m taking about a dozen books to the thrift store and I left a few (Anna Karenina, Murakami’s The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle, and Marcy Dermansky’s Bad Marie) out for reading this month, which are in addition to the books I loaded to my Kindle while I was preparing for Graham’s weekend in recovery. I just started on World War Z today and would like to apologize to everyone I ignored when they told me I had to read it. Everyone? I’m sorry. This book kicks fucking ass and I am displeased with myself for not taking you seriously and reading it sooner. If I wasn’t already planning on packing up my DVDs and dining room tonight, I would read it until I fell facedown onto the screen.

But I’m packing so that I can live in an amazing house in a safe neighborhood where we have our own yard and (hopefully) neighbors who don’t have screaming fights every weekend. I can’t wait.

About erineph

I'm Erin. I have tattoos and more than one cat. I am an office drone, a music writer, and an erstwhile bartender. I am a cook in the bedroom and a whore in the kitchen. Things I enjoy include but are not limited to zombies, burritos, Cthulhu, Kurt Vonnegut, Keith Richards, accordions, perfumery, and wearing fat pants in the privacy of my own home.
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3 Responses to The Classy House

  1. Karimsa says:

    CONGRATULATIONS!!!! For real..I am very happy for you and Graham. The house sounds lovely and very cool. I request photos of the purple kitchen and I bet it is beautiful. I love a house that has character and it comes with a bonus plan protection on one side and legal advice on the other! Love the ideal of having recycle so close by and hopefully no loud neighbors. It will be nice having your own backyard with a fire pit perfect for making smores.

  2. Carmen says:

    Congratulations! I remember when I finally scored a decent living situation. It felt like a hard-won prize. It’s almost a rite of passage. It’ll be interesting to see what you blog about in a happier setting….

  3. Becky says:

    CONGRATS! I can’t wait for pics!

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