Have you ever been squeezing at a pimple in front of the mirror when all of a sudden it bursts and shoots that white stuff onto the mirror surface? Like, it just explodes on you? And you’re half-disgusted but also half-impressed at yourself? I’m just as horrified as any other normal person when this happens, but I’m also amazed that my body can do such gross things. Like the other day, when I watched my eyeball eat an eyelash.

Yeah. I felt something tickling my eye, so I went to the mirror and saw an eyelash in there. I tried to get it out, but when I touched it, the eyelash slid down to the bottom of my eye and then disappeared underneath my eyeball. It happened so quickly that I couldn’t stop it; it was like the suction of my eyeball took it under. I stared at my own eyeball for a minute, vaguely worried about a foreign object floating around my optic nerve back there but also figuring that this probably happens all the time and I don’t even notice it. And since there was no way short of surgery I could get it out, I shrugged and went about my day.

Until a few mornings ago when I wiped some slime out of my eye and felt a tickle again. I went back to the mirror (site of all disgusting things, apparently) and watched myself pull a string of goo out of face, at the end of which was the previously-eaten eyelash. I have a pretty high tolerance for my own grossness, but this was pushing it even for me.

If this wasn’t enough of an indication that I live by myself, I don’t know what else I can say to convince you.

Weird Music for Gross People

You, TV on the Radio
Rubies and Rocks, Thao & Mirah
Doubt, The Corin Tucker Band
What Ever Happened?, The Strokes
Blood, The Dears
The Ballad of Hugo Chavez, Arkells
The Diamond Church Street Choir, The Gaslight Anthem
Too Many Miracles, Badly Drawn Boy
Black Flowers, Yo La Tengo
Mirror Image, Ducktails
A Slight Discomfort, The Hold Steady
Between Two Dreams, Pomegranates
One For You, One For Me, Bright Eyes
No Time For Talk, Oh No Oh My
Falling Man, Blonde Redhead
Where You’ll Find Me Now, Neutral Milk Hotel (ahem, April Ludgate’s favorite place to do it)
Puppet to the Man, Kurt Vile
I’m So Free, Lou Reed
The Oh So Protective One, Girls
I Need a Life, Born Ruffians
Excuse Me While I Drink Myself to Death, Spent
Fools, The Dodos
Certain People I Know, Mighty Clouds
Because the Origami, Amanda Palmer, Neil Gaiman, Ben Folds, Damian Kulas from the 8in8 Project (if you’re on Twitter and you’re not following Amanda Palmer and Neil Gaiman, then I just don’t know what to say to you)