Monthly Archives: April 2011

What? I Farmed.

Have you ever heard a pig scream?  I have.  They’re loud.  Like, really loud.  Nerve-rattling loud.  Teeth-aching loud.  They sound like the most terrified person in the world, and that’s just when they’re being castrated. O hai, I went to … Continue reading

Posted in I Eat, Stuff I Didn't Know Before | 1 Comment

There Will Be Cud

I’m going to a farm today.  Despite the fact that I live in the Midwest and have the type of shoulders that could carry water to an entire Russian village, I have never actually been on a farm.  I’ve certainly … Continue reading

Posted in Playlists, The Pop Life, WTF | 1 Comment

The Potato Manifesto

If today you’re feeling down or maybe not so attractive, I suggest going to the grocery store.  I just came back from there and boy, do I feel like less of a huge fatass. I’m going to be straight with … Continue reading

Posted in Everyone Else Is An Idiot, I Eat, I Just Can't, WTF | 3 Comments

Sucking Less

There are a lot of Erin Franks out there.  There’s the Erin Frank who is a doctor (not me).  There’s the Erin Frank who was a college lacrosse champion and now competes in triathlons (defnitely not me).  There’s the Erin … Continue reading

Posted in Nerd It Up, Writing

Getting It

There’s a scene in Big when Tom Hanks is sitting in on a development meeting at a toy company and is handed a robot that turns into a building.  Which sounds boring, but to the company’s credit, it’s a really … Continue reading

Posted in Everyone Else Is An Idiot, I Hate, I Just Can't, Paychecks Are Important, WTF

Fucked Up and Dirty

It’s Monday, so it’s time to watch Intervention.  Intervention is now in its 8th season, which explains why people are finally walking into their “final meeting” and going “I KNEW IT, FUCK ALL OF YOU!” instead of just resignedly sitting … Continue reading

Posted in I Just Can't, Sads, The Pop Life, WTF | 3 Comments

Beverage Theft

When I was very young and very dumb, I got married.  Because the person I married was in the military, I moved to Virginia, where he was stationed.  He’d been living there for a couple of years at that point, … Continue reading

Posted in I Eat, WTF | 1 Comment