Have you ever gone to a funeral on a really nice day?  Like today in St. Louis, maybe?  Imagine that it’s sunny, won’t get any hotter than 75, and there’s a breeze and it’s just starting to become spring so things still smell nice.  Everyone in your immediate vicinity is red-eyed and desolate-looking because there’s a corpse in a box up there, but everyone beyond them has eyes pinging around in their heads because they’re so deliriously happy about being able to exist outdoors for more than a few minutes at a time.  Nice day funerals are a mindfuck, and always make me want to get drunker than usual (I have red hair and my name is Erin, of course we drink when people die).

So what if the zombie apocalypse happens on a nice day?  I’m pretty sure it will.  That’s what’ll make it so catastrophic.  In addition to the regular zombies-eating-people part, I mean.  It’ll be a gorgeous Saturday, whole families will be outside enjoying the weather, and then the dead start rising out of their graves and biting people.  Or, if you want to be more modern about it, someone infected by a government-created virus will stagger through a public park like its his own personal buffet.  By nightfall on the prettiest day of the year, we’ll be hiding in our basements with shotguns and, if you’re me, lots and lots of heroin.

I’m not goth or anything, but this is the kind of thing I’ve been thinking about lately.  And:

Sometimes I look at lists in my own handwriting and wonder if the way I write makes me a psychopath.

For awhile when I was a kid, I’d look at people and picture them as skeletons. It was like I had x-ray vision (and was also the creepiest little girl in the world).

Um.  Right.  So it’s really nice out today, like I meant to say back when I started talking about funerals, zombies, and habits that get me placed on mental ward watchlists.  Although the price of gas kind of makes my butthole want to crawl further up inside my body, I do have a practically new car and think it might be my moral imperative to drive it around today.  This car has a 6-disc CD changer, too, which means I’ve spent the last 2 days burning CDs from the greatest iTunes podcast I’ve ever found, KEXP Song of the Day.  Download that shit.  And then, if you’re in St. Louis, write to 88.1 and ask them why Seattle should get to have all the fun.  I’d blog the shit out of a KDHX song podcast, assuming that they never include Ratatat because video game music is for hipsters and I just can’t with it.

About erineph

I'm Erin. I have tattoos and more than one cat. I am an office drone, a music writer, and an erstwhile bartender. I am a cook in the bedroom and a whore in the kitchen. Things I enjoy include but are not limited to zombies, burritos, Cthulhu, Kurt Vonnegut, Keith Richards, accordions, perfumery, and wearing fat pants in the privacy of my own home.
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