I’ve been lazy.  Well.  That’s not exactly true.  I haven’t been lazy altogether, I’ve just been lazy here.  And at the 365 Tumblr.  I’m not so bothered by the 365 Tumblr because I had nearly 365 entries and gathered a whole 12 followers the entire time I did it.  The Val Kilmer Project, however, kind of blew up in a shockingly short amount of time (at least according to the Internet, or rather, in my experience of the Internet), and that’s what’s been hogging all of my time and brainpower lately.

Not only have I been lazy here, I’ve barely even been able to notice that I’ve been lazy here.  Until I logged on to post this, I hadn’t checked my hit tracker in three days.  I have my hit tracker for a few reasons:

1. I like to know how many hits I have. This sounds like pure narcissism and I assure you that it can become that way, but mostly I just like to know if what I’m saying is interesting.  When my hits are broken down into number of hits to type of entry to linked pages and so on, I feel like I can better write for the people who want to read this garbage.

2. I like to know where the people who want to read this garbage are coming from. I mean, I already knew about the stalkers.  They’ve been checking up on me for years in some cases, so I knew they wouldn’t just vanish.  And yes, most of my readers are from St. Louis and its surrounding areas, which is also to be expected.  What I find interesting are the repeating readers from the places where I don’t know anybody.  I’ll probably never know why these people keep coming back, but it gives me a little thrill to know that I’m fascinating to a handful of Australians.  I love Australians.

3. I like knowing how people find my blog. No, I love knowing how people find my blog.  The search term results are my favorite portion of my dashboard, and it makes me infinitely happy to know that someone really needed help with the question “can you get fired for telling your supervisor to go fuck him self?” and that I may have given them the answer (and in case I didn’t, it is “yes, you most certainly can.”).

It occurred to me this morning that I hadn’t checked my blog or hit tracker at all for an unusually long time.  Mostly because it’s been a whirlwind week for The Val Kilmer Project, but also because I’ve been busy in general.  There’s work, which makes me want to have a nervous breakdown most days.  There’s writing other stuff, some of which is funny but still not very important.  There’s going to the movies with my dad, and getting my taxes done, and buying a new car…

Oh, yeah.

I BOUGHT A NEW CAR!

(yeah right I was taking a photo of my actual car on my actual street where all you actual maniacs can come over and murder me)

Everyone, this is a perfect make/model/year example my new pre-owned vehicle!  Specifically, it was owned by someone from another state who couldn’t make their car payment, so it was seized and auctioned!  This is my terrible karma car!

I plan on balancing the karma deficit accrued with this car by donating my old one to St. Vincent De Paul.  My friend Heidi works there, so I guess it’s better than giving it to the Salvation Army or Goodwill (both very good organizations, I’m sure, I just don’t know anyone who works for them).  And while you have no reason to believe this, I’m not even doing it for the tax writeoff.  I SWEAR!  My taxes are always shit anyway (something about my not owning a home/business/any children makes the government think I’m fabulously wealthy), and I can’t imagine that a 1997 Chevy Lumina with hail damage and rust problems is going to skyrocket me into the world of rich people.  I’m donating this car because I have been poor.  I have been desperate.  I know what it’s like to need something so badly that you wish someone would just give it to you, already, not because you’re lazy but because you’re already working as hard as you possibly can and nothing you do is working.  It’s a sad, sinking feeling and I was lucky enough to have someone to pull me out of it.  I’m not a very lucky person very often, so I’m extremely grateful that I got that break, and I’ll miss out on a few hundred extra dollars if it means that someone else can get one, too.

Anyway.

That’s why I’ve been lazy.  I’ll use this weekend to think long and hard about what I haven’t done, and then I’ll watch some bad TV to give me something to write about for a change.