For Shame

I reblogged something from this girl the other day and just recently decided to check out the rest of her Tumblr.  I don’t know how old she is, but judging by her tastes and manner of speaking, I’m guessing…probably 24?  Maybe?  She seems definitely younger than me (ahem, lots of people on Tumblr are) and older than, say, 19, because everyone who is 19 begins their Tumblr description with their age.  Well LA DI FREAKIN’ DA, 19-year-olds!   Soon you’ll be older and responsible and fatter and ME.  Okay?  You’ll be me.

This girl’s Tumblr is decent, but I was more interested in the comments.  Based on her comments, it seems like a lot of people think she’s a slut.  Also they think she’s ugly, or stupid, or has no right to have opinions/an Internet connection/the ability to communicate with the world.

I mean, obviously.

Internet trolls are individuals who – surprise! – usually stay anonymous because, even behind the safety of their firewalls and screens and layers of hostility between them and the rest of society, are terrified that someone will find out who they are and beat the shit out of them.  What the fuck ever, right?  Big deal.  The only kind of troll that bothers me is the slut-shaming troll.  These trolls generally don’t get to fuck anyone, let alone enough people to understand that fucking is fun, so they call any woman who is not Amish-level modest a slut.  I used to attract slut-shaming trolls when I was single and writing on Ye Olde Olde Blog.  The girl who said I should get tested because “who knows whats festering up in yur filthy vagina” was my favorite, I think.

Look, if you have no interest in the possibility of enjoying sex with more than one person, fine.  That’s up to you.  I have no quarrel with your choice.  You probably made it for at least one legitimate reason.  I neither respect nor disparage you for it.  We probably won’t be sleeping together, so who cares?

But if I’m not sleeping with you, then why are you so offended?  Taking it further into activities that, again, don’t involve you at all, if I’m having consensual sex with other adults and protecting both my own and their health to the best of my ability in the process?  WHO CARES.  I wish I could say “for the life of me, I cannot understand why that would concern someone enough for them to anonymously call me a slut,” but unfortunately, I can’t say that.  I know why they anonymously called me and other female bloggers sluts.

THEY’RE JEALOUS.  Not to get all junior high on this topic, but they are.  They’re jealous that I’m having an experience they aren’t.  They’re jealous that I don’t feel the kind of shame for my own actions as they do for their thoughts.  They’re jealous that I’m okay talking about it, because everyone should feel as miserable as they do.

That’s why the Slut Trolls called me a slut.  With that in mind, god, that’s pathetic, isn’t it?  What would it be like to sit around loathing your genitals all day?  Wouldn’t that suck?

Because I knew the mental limitations of the slut-shaming trolls, it was never the odd “yur a slut” comment that really pissed me off.  It wasn’t even the odd “yur a fat ugly slut” comment, either, because…okay.  Obviously people are still willing to fuck me, because if they weren’t you wouldn’t be mouthing off, would you?  No, what really pissed me off were the people who commented as though I:

a) had no right to write what I’d written because of the shaaaaaame,
b) had no right to fuck other people in the first place because of virtue or some bullshit, and
c) had no right to defend myself from their insanity because by choosing to fuck other people, I’d waived all possible brains, dignity, etc.

Right.  You’re not the cops and this isn’t Communist Russia, so you’re not allowed to tell me what I don’t have the right to do.  I’m an adult and this is the free world, and as long as I’m not harming anyone or breaking any laws, I have the right to do whatever the fuck I want.  I can also write about whatever I want because again, as long as I’m not harming anyone or breaking any laws, that First Amendment your kind is so fond of wiping your asses with protects me.  Lastly, if you attack me with ignorance and insecurity and I don’t defend myself, then I’m just as big of a fuckwit as you.

My favorite comment left for smsfindlay (ie, the comment that makes me most rageful) is below:

spend less time arguing about your right to open your legs for any guy you see fit with anonymous people on tumblr, and maybe a little more time on making a lasting relationship.
and  slut-shaming  as you called it, is more than appropriate. if a girl is going to slut around then i or anyone else has a right to call her on it. if she doesnt want to be ridiculed for her actions; she can stop.

You know, if more women spent less time arguing about their right to open their legs for any guy they saw fit, we’d still be locked into chastity belts, branded with scarlet letters, and burned at the stake.  We’d be forced into submitting to sex, having babies we don’t want, and wasting our bored, resentful, housewifey lives away in a “lasting relationship.”  Go cry in front of your Match.com profile again.

Second, “slut shaming” is not appropriate because IT DOESN’T FUCKING CONCERN YOU.  You’re the one who chose to read this, you’re the one who chose to be offended, and you’re the one who chose to make an ass out of yourself by making bullshit points because I AM A LOT SMARTER THAN YOU.  Case in point:

“If she doesn’t want to be ridiculed for her actions; she can stop.”  Completely improper use of a semi-colon aside, you goddamn moron, I don’t care about being “ridiculed” for my actions.  Again, this isn’t the world of burn the witch and I’m not ashamed.  I’m also not going to change my life because you said so.  If I lived my life by your rules, I’d never stop hiding behind that anonymous shadow avatar.  No thanks.  I’m far more interesting out here.  There’s no reason for me to stop what I enjoy doing when it would be far more beneficial to the world for you to get into therapy, read some books, and, frankly, get fucked.

(Though I will say that slut-shaming trolls are sometimes preferred to condescending SPAM.  Thankfully, WordPress filters out SPAM comments, but occasionally one gets through for moderation.  Poorly-worded critique of my writing and “gumption” from some Malay IRL graveyard written in broken Engrish?  Thanks, assbot!)

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About erineph

I'm Erin. I have tattoos and more than one cat. I am an office drone, a music writer, and an erstwhile bartender. I am a cook in the bedroom and a whore in the kitchen. Things I enjoy include but are not limited to zombies, burritos, Cthulhu, Kurt Vonnegut, Keith Richards, accordions, perfumery, and wearing fat pants in the privacy of my own home.
This entry was posted in Everyone Else Is An Idiot, I Hate, I Just Can't, The Internet is My Boyfriend, WTF. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to For Shame

  1. Jake says:

    It seems the art of argument has been lost. Lets look at this strictly from a logical argument standpoint aside from the terrible grammar,

    “spend less time arguing about your right to open your legs for any guy you see fit with anonymous people on tumblr, and maybe a little more time on making a lasting relationship.”

    And were off to a great start. First of all this statement presupposes that time spent arguing offers less utility to the arguer than “making a lasting relationship”. Simply assuming that their life is more meaningful because of their attempt at creating a lasting relationship is a more worthy cause than the engagement of rational discourse is a generalization of the human condition. Further they provide no rational reason to suppose that the utility gained by this person pursuit of her protection of rights is minimal in comparison to the utility gained by the pursuit of a “lasting relationship”. I could spend hours arguing just on that point but instead I will leave it at the fact that the writers presupposition is simply wrong and lacks any credible evidence.

    “and slut-shaming as you called it, is more than appropriate.”

    Another great argument? Again the assumption that an individuals or personal world view is correct is a pointless argument. Logic requires that in order for an argument to be valid or invalid it requires that any reasonable individual when presented the information will come to the same conclusion. You are certainly entitled to your opinion however it does not make your opinion valid or even true. It is simply an opinion and in this case an invalid one.

    “if a girl is going to slut around then i or anyone else has a right to call her on it. if she doesnt want to be ridiculed for her actions; she can stop.”

    Finally the meat and potatoes.. Their argument is certainly correct though it does not necessarily validate what was written in that they certainly have the right to say anything they wish. The laws passed along by their country certain allow for such actions. For example I have the right to say that “statistically people who write comments like the ones above are 90% more likely to have a personality that requires payment for coitus and 100% fall into one standard deviation of the IQ range dedicated to mental retardation”. Simple generalizations and made up statistics don’t invalidate my right to put forth the information, though the information put forth is still subject to scrutiny. So while they certainly have the write to say what they want it doesn’t necessarily make the action morally acceptable.

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