Cerebral Assassin

Because I spent most of yesterday doped up on various types of medicine, I had the opportunity to sit comatose in front of the television for extended periods of time.  Although I’m almost unbelievably lazy, I actually don’t watch a ton of TV.  I like it – and hate those Charter commercials that say people shouldn’t apologize for liking TV, wtf country is it where this happens, anyway? – but find myself too distracted to get engaged with characters or follow story arcs and all that stuff grownups without ADD are supposed to be able to do.  I don’t have ADD, by the way, I just spend most of my time pacing around my apartment, looking at the Internet, and congratulating myself for completing 60 situps a day (I put this here so you could congratulate me).

Also I watch much more Netflix Instant than I watch TV, because Netflix Instant and I are basically married by now.  You might think that an ideal Friday night involves spending upwards of $50 at a bar and getting quad burn by squatting over some gross public toilet seat; I’d rather drink wine and watch The X-Files.

But like I said, yesterday I was all doped up, so I managed to fit in two hours of the Barefoot Contessa.  You know, I like that Ina Garten.  I am a little disturbed by her and Jeffrey, though.  Every single episode is about how much she wants to bone him.  Look, I think it’s great when people are actually happy in longterm relationships, but I do not want to be thinking about them having sex while I’m trying to learn how to make sole meuniere.

Since I’ve never been a fan of Community, I turned to Netflix Instant around 7pm last night.  Partially because of the Nicolas Cage matrix (feel free to save the below, it’s quite the helpful reference), I decided to watch Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans.

I’ve already stated that I was under the influence, but even considering that…I think Bad Lieutenant etc. is good.  Just like the original Bad Lieutenant, Nicolas Cage is a corrupt cop who’s into drugs, bribes, and hookers.  His drug supply runs out so he starts stealing from criminals, he hallucinates iguanas, and Xzibit plays a crimelord.  Also Werner Herzog directed it, which might account for it not being a total pile of garbage.

Without going any further about Bad Lieutenant etc. but because I know everyone loves the Little Corner of Moron, the below is a teaser containing something I’m not quite ready to discuss at length yet.  Just know that we have several votes of confidence from people who are not insane and/or clinically stupid.  Also, Brennan looks sort of like Count Chocula.

Me: Brennan, do you think I could destroy anyone?

Brennan: Anyone? I don’t know.  Maybe…if you were driving a car into them, you could kill everything.  I think you could destroy people with brainpower, though.  I’d definitely consider you to be a cerebral assassin.

Me: That’s how we need to sign our letters to Val Kilmer.  Sincerely, A Cereal Vampire and A Cerebral Assassin.  Plus Fiala, if he feels like being involved.

Brain Karate

No Surrender, Bruce Springsteen
A Hard Year, Jon Hardy and the Public
Cold Hands, Black Lips
Blank Generation, Richard Hell and the Voidoids
Flute Loop, Beastie Boys
Breakneck Speed, Tokyo Police Club
I Turn My Camera On, Spoon
Dangerous Type, Letters To Cleo
Dream Away Life, Dum Dum Girls
People’s Parties, Joni Mitchell
What Can I Do?, Antony and the Johnsons (with Rufus Wainwright)
Seeds of Night, The Cave Singers
Release Me, Johnny Adams
Shiny Diamonds, Say Hi
Secrets Of the Undersea Bell, Astronautalis
Your Long White Fingers, The Gothic Archies
103, The Whispertown 2000
Sleepy Time, The Tigers
Long Tall Shorty, Jim Carroll
Rich Girls, Fitz and the Tantrums
I Heard Ramona Sing, Frank Black
So Alive, Love and Rockets
Do You Remember, Ra Ra Riot
Dream Baby Dream, Black Tambourine
You Broke My Heart, William Fitzsimmons

Stay tuned for possible news about the VKP, which, contrary to what Brennan says everyone will think if/when the T-shirts are made, has nothing to do with the Russian mob.

About erineph

I'm Erin. I have tattoos and more than one cat. I am an office drone, a music writer, and an erstwhile bartender. I am a cook in the bedroom and a whore in the kitchen. Things I enjoy include but are not limited to zombies, burritos, Cthulhu, Kurt Vonnegut, Keith Richards, accordions, perfumery, and wearing fat pants in the privacy of my own home.
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4 Responses to Cerebral Assassin

  1. fiala of fiala and dalton fame says:

    Just remember – “Tombstoned” is my intellectual property.

    • erineph says:

      I’m aware of that.

      Also, I was going to tell people our title choices for the Tombstone sequel at a later date: yours is Tombstoned (including the guys from The Stoned Age), Brennan’s is The Tombstonening, and mine is Tombstonier. I really don’t know how Val Kilmer would not want to work with us. We’re clearly brilliant.

  2. Pingback: Introducing The Val Kilmer Project | Ephemera Etc.

  3. Vern says:

    Congratulations on your 60 sit ups a day!

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