Have you guys been watching The Walking Dead on AMC? It’s magnificent. So fucking creepy and gross and good. Only two episodes in and I’ve said “I can’t believe we get to watch this on television!” at least eight times.
I’ve said before that zombies are a frequent star of my nightmares (the other stuff is here). When I dream about zombies, it’s not just the zombies themselves that are scary. It’s that they’re evolving. They went from being stupid sacks of cannibal meat to talking, driving, and even poisoning the water supply. I half expected them to have learned ASL after The Walking Dead premiere, but something about cringing at the TV when I’m awake has lessened my brain’s desire to scare the shit out of me in the middle of the night.
Zombies are so scary to me because I know how unlikely I am to survive the zombie apocalypse. (I wrote a lengthy explanation years ago on my old blog, but good luck finding it because I wrote a shitload back then and have no idea where it could be buried.) I know the rules and I’ve read the survival guide, but the fact is that in the event of the zombie apocalypse, the vast majority of people are going to get dead or turned into the undead, and:
1. I live in a major metropolitan area.
2. My neighborhood is densely populated.
3. My neighborhood is on the lower end of the wealth/education/employment spectrum and therefore includes more people who are unlikely to watch the news or heed government health warnings.
4. I don’t own any firearms.
5. Most of my neighbors do.
6. My cats are idiot assholes who would stand in the windows no matter what, thus alerting the zombies of their (and my own) presence.
7. I think Izzy might become a zombie of his own accord because he’s a dick that way.
8. The only person I know with a farm has kids and in-laws and other people who would take precedence over me in the event that they would require rural isolation and shelter.
9. Although it looks like it’s out of The Road Warrior, my car is a 1997 Chevy Lumina that has never been retrofitted with a plow to escape traffic gridlock and/or body piles.
10. I wouldn’t want to live in a zombie world. Seriously. If shit ever got as bad as it is in The Walking Dead, I’d borrow a gun from one of my hoodrat neighbors and just fucking kill myself.
This is why I get so tense when I watch The Walking Dead. I sit on Ian and Shannon’s couch and make Richard curl up next to me and I just freak out. The world will not end in fire or in ice, but in a stinking pile of human error and disease where everyone starts eating one another and people only die when you shoot them in the head.