How To Eat Your Feelings

Now that I’ve had some time to calm down from the weekend, I’m still sort of pissed.  I actually had an itemized list of Pissed Off Things, but I deleted it because that’s a real dick move and it’s not going to make anything any better.  The bottom line is that I left the wedding weekend feeling like a lot of people took advantage of me (and Graham, and about four other people who actually had their shit together).  I know Eleanor Roosevelt said no one could make you feel inferior without your consent, but her husband was the president and she didn’t have to worry about anyone drinking all her beer without paying for it.  So she can shut up.  And it wasn’t just the beer thing, it was a lot of other stuff that made me mad at the people I call my friends and mad at myself for putting up with them.

Maybe “putting up with them” isn’t entirely accurate, but you know that feeling when someone lets you down and you wonder why you let them do it in the first place?  Like you should have known better?  That’s how it feels.  It’s been happening a lot in my life lately, and I’m starting to entertain fantasies of buying a cabin in the middle of nowhere and becoming a hermit who keeps books as children.

But like I said, the weekend wasn’t all bad, and I did make biscuits.  Well, biscuit muffins, because I like foods that are whimsically shaped and muffin tins are better than regular baking sheets.  I figured I might have some biscuits left over for the next morning, but they were popular enough to disappear down people’s froats by noon.  Which I didn’t consider to be freeloading at all, because biscuits are exactly the kind of thing I want to share.

Speaking of, here’s the recipe.  Aside from the dough, you can really put anything you want into them.  I think I’ll make an apple-sage-brie version for next weekend.

Down Your Froat Biscuit Muffins

What you’ll need for the dough:
– 2 3/4 cups flour
– 4 3/4 tsp. baking power
– 1/4 cup sugar
– 1 tsp. salt
– 2 sticks butter, mostly softened until melty
– 1 cup milk

What you’ll need for the optional tasty stuff:
– 4 slices thick bacon, cooked halfway and chopped into pieces
– 1 brick sharp white cheddar (about the size of 2 decks of cards stacked together), cut into small cubes (like, smaller than a square Lego)
– 3 heaping tbs. chopped fresh dill
– 1 bunch scallions (I don’t know, like 6 or 7?) sliced width-wise from the bottom white parts to about two inches from the dark green tops.

What you’ll do:

Preheat oven to 375 degrees.

In one mixing bowl, combine the dry dough ingredients.  In another mixing bowl, combine the butter and milk.  Add the dry mixture to the wet mixture in increments so it’s easier to combine.  (If you have a food processor, I assume you can pulse everything together in the proper, pastry school way.  I do have a food processor but I just didn’t feel like cleaning it.)

Once the dry and wet ingredients are combined (meaning remove any floury lumps, but it’s okay to have some chunks of butter in there), add the bacon, cheddar, dill, and scallions.

Grease a muffin tin with cooking spray.  You don’t need muffin cups because those are gay, and this is for breakfast so who cares about being dainty?  Scoop your dough into the muffin tin.  (If you make the dough the night before and keep it wrapped in plastic or a Ziploc in the fridge, it’s really easy to pull off perfectly-sized chunks for the muffin tin.  Plus that’s less work to do in the morning when you’re hungover.  I am being so helpful!)

Place the muffin tin into the oven.  I honestly have no idea how long it takes to cook them because my own oven is kind of shitty and I operate based on the way the biscuits look and smell.  I’d say check on them around the 20-minute mark and maybe leave them in for 30.  They’re done when the tops are turning a golden brown and a knife inserted into the center comes out basically clean (basically means some moist crumbs are fine because you don’t want to choke people with dry breakfast).


(cross-posted to

About erineph

I'm Erin. I have tattoos and more than one cat. I am an office drone, a music writer, and an erstwhile bartender. I am a cook in the bedroom and a whore in the kitchen. Things I enjoy include but are not limited to zombies, burritos, Cthulhu, Kurt Vonnegut, Keith Richards, accordions, perfumery, and wearing fat pants in the privacy of my own home.
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1 Response to How To Eat Your Feelings

  1. Vern says:

    It took me a 13-year-long “friendship” to realize I let people walk all over me all the time and frequently set myself up for disappointment, all for the sake of keeping this “friend” and others happy. F that! Sure I still go out of my way to help people WHO TRULY APPRECIATE AND DESERVE IT, but I try to be more aware and less tolerant of the ones who take advantage of kind people. So while I understand the situation you were in and admire that you were willing to share your delicious muffins with undeserving moochers, put a pad lock on that shit next time or kick the bitches out. 🙂

    P.S. I’m totally making these muffins. And let me know when you want breakfast delivered again like the good ‘ole days.

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