When I got home from work on Thursday night, there was no Internet. No big deal, I thought. This was a constant issue when my landlords lived below me, so I thought it could be fixed the same way. I decided that I could live without the Internet for one night, and that surely the problem would fix itself by the next morning.
On Friday morning, there was still no Internet. The thought of going through the weekend with no Internet was like telling me I couldn’t smoke crack (if I was a crackhead) or masturbate (if I was a chronic masturbator). So I texted the new downstairs neighbor, asking her to reset the router*. She responded that she called Charter, who said there was an “outage in our area.”
Now, I don’t doubt that she called Charter and this is what they told her, but I am a strong advocate of Not Believing What Shitty Companies Say. Especially Charter, because they are spectacularly shitty. So when Saturday morning came around and there was still no Internet, I started to feel twitches in my extremities and knew that if I could not have the Internet at all this weekend, I was going to have a meltdown. In my nicest text voice, I asked my neighbor to please try resetting one more time, because Charter could say whatever they wanted but the fact remained that they were shitty.
And now we have the Internet. I am only a little embarrassed with myself for needing it so badly, but this is exactly how a lot of people react to forgetting their cell phones. I only got a cell phone five years ago, but already I’m one of those people who refuses to leave it at home. This is one of the reasons why I won’t get an iPhone: I have enough problems with the Internet and I’m totally reliant on my cell phone – there is no way my brain would ever survive being able to access the Internet at all times. Or, at the very least, I would be one of those assholes who gets on Facebook while in the middle of a conversation with a living, breathing human being.
Once, I didn’t care about cell phones. I viewed them as an unnecessary expense. I had a land line, an answering machine, and three jobs. If I wasn’t at home, I was at work. What else did everyone want from me? Then I cancelled that land line and got a cell phone, and it may not have a lightsaber app or Talking Carl, but dear god I thought I left it at home yesterday and I started to freak.
Once, I didn’t care about the Internet. I barely used it at all and would rather play Zoo Tycoon on a bulky PC for hours (yes, I know exactly how this sounds, but it’s the truth and I am that big of a dork). Then one day I thought, “The Internet can show me everything. I love it FOREVER.”
I ❤ you, Internet. Please don’t go away ever again.
*I pay my downstairs neighbors each month so that I can use their wifi. So there.