People always ask, “What did you do on your vacation?”
…and act disappointed when I answer,” Nothing! It was great!”
You know what I did on my 3-day weekend? Okay, I worked on Saturday so it was more like a 2-day weekend, which is normal for most of you but still one more day than I normally get. Oh yeah, and the weekend isn’t technically over but everything I’m doing is already set, so this makes sense. It does. In my head. Anyway. I went grocery shopping. I cleaned the house. I cooked dinner for Christy’s birthday. I watched (in some cases, re-watched) the following:
Seasons two and three of 30 Rock – obviously awesome
Mystery Science Theater 3000 – about six of them, also obviously awesome
Hell House – mind-blowingly weird and a little sad, but most things involving ultra-Christians are (to me)
Inside Deep Throat – unsexy in every single way
Kurt & Courtney – every single person involved in this is 100% ridiculous
Singles – Citizen Dick-era Matt Dillon is way hot
Bram Stoker’s Dracula – thank god for Tom Waits, because he’s the only bright spot in this Keanu Reeves-laid-a-huge-steaming-turd of a movie.
Wink and a Smile: The Art of Burlesque – meh, but now I wish I had some pasties with twirly fringe
The Upright Citizens Brigade: ASSSSCAT! – if she divorces Gob and we move to Massachusetts, can I marry Amy Poehler?
Wisconsin Death Trip – disorganized documentary about a town where, in the 1800s, kids got diptheria, other people went violently crazy, and one woman went around smashing windows when she wasn’t in jail. Plus one of the voiceovers is a horrible whisper for no discrenible reason.
Uneducated reviews aside, the point is that I have done almost nothing but watch movies this weekend. It’s like I’ve had mono without losing any weight. I didn’t even get to kill the massive cockroach I saw on the kitchen wall.* I tried shooting it down with poison and it flew/ran away. I tried smashing it with a broom and it fell behind the fridge. It was only after I went to bed that I heard Izzy (previously known as the cat I don’t like all that much) swatting around at something. It occurred to me that I might be hearing a cat-cockroach battle, but in order to find out I would have had to leave my bedroom, which would have made Izzy self-conscious and less of a killer.
So I waited until this morning, when I discovered that Izzy had become incrementally less of an asshole and totally slayed the cockroach.
*Oh, relax. If you live in a decaying city where the humidity hovers around 85% in the summertime, you’re going to see the occasional gigantic cockroach or greasy waterbug indoors (also if your apartment is falling the fuck apart and your landlord can’t fix a toilet so there’s no way those gaps at the windows and foundation are getting corrected). Since waterbugs stay close to the ground and I’m on the second floor, my apartment reluctantly hosts about three cockroaches per year.
Which Izzy promptly kills.
So luckily, one of us did something this weekend.