All right.  I have let this go on for long enough, but now that opening weekend has come and gone, we have a new rule.

Could everyone please STFU about Twilight.*  Please.

I understand that we all need some junk culture every now and then (if we didn’t, I wouldn’t watch the occasional Full House re-run), but this is getting out of hand.  I can’t imagine what Stephenie Meyer did in a past life, but that woman is raking in the dough with a less-than-mediocre product because, apparently, most women are too stupid to know any better.

Fine.  Read the crap books.  Fine.  Watch the crap movies.  But don’t have verbal freakouts at work, in the grocery store, or anywhere else there are other people over what you seem to believe is an orgasm-inducing event.  It’s fucking vampires.  It’s fucking teenage vampires and then, when the mythology contradicts the creator’s magical prom queen fantasies, it’s fucking teenage werewolves.

What the FUCK.

I’ve nothing against fantasy or gothic romance, but if I want to watch something that’s absolutely batshit crazy, I’ll watch Big Top Pee-Wee.  It’s just that Twilight is…well, it’s lazy for one, and it’s uncreative for two, and it’s an awful, awful example of what women are supposed to want.

Ladies.  Do me a favor.  If you’re into Twilight and think you’d really like to date a guy like Edward Cullen (who does have a cool house, I have to say), save yourself some time and just go buy a how-to book on bulimia or cutting or self-loathing.  It’s the exact same thing with the exact same result as dating some weirdo manic-depressive who vacillates from crying like he’s constipated to violent rage in just a few seconds all the goddamn time.  This type of man is unstable.  This type of man is possessive.  This type of man is a fucking lunatic and the concept that this girl is pretty much nothing without him (or without a the werewolf guy, who I admittedly know nothing about, but sure, that sounds like a healthy relationship) makes me want to go insane.

Instead of getting all moist over the kids in Twilight, try emulating a smart woman for a change.

* New Moon is Twilight as far as I’m concerned.  Don’t tell me it’s better; it’s just a pricier version of shitty.