Old Pole Gripper

Latest dispatch from the Little Corner of Moron.  We’d been talking about how stores who put Christmas decorations up before Halloween are the suck, and how anyone who puts up Christmas lights before Thanksgiving is an idiot.  Also, Fiala hates winter because he says he has something called Reynaud’s Phenomenon, which basically means the cold weather makes his hands crotchety like he’s a T-Rex.

Brennan: The weather was nice the other day, so Sarah (Brennan’s wife) wanted me to put up the Christmas lights, and I was getting mad.  You can’t put those up before Thanksgiving!

Me: Some friends of mine put them up but won’t turn them on until after Thanksgiving.

Fiala: That doesn’t make it any less stupid.

Me: Don’t look at me, I don’t even put Christmas lights up.

Fiala: You think I do?

Me: I think your idea of Christmas lights is to climb up on your roof with a flashlight and pee onto your yard.

Fiala: I hate winter.  I’m going to go up there, tie a flashlight around my neck, and hang myself from the chimney.  Happy birthday, Jesus.

…some time later…

Fiala: Can you imagine a song called “Teenage Stripper” sung to the tune of “Old Man River?”

About erineph

I'm Erin. I have tattoos and more than one cat. I am an office drone, a music writer, and an erstwhile bartender. I am a cook in the bedroom and a whore in the kitchen. Things I enjoy include but are not limited to zombies, burritos, Cthulhu, Kurt Vonnegut, Keith Richards, accordions, perfumery, and wearing fat pants in the privacy of my own home.
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