For several days now, I’ve been trying to convince my friend Brennan to go as Count Chocula for Halloween (because they look alike), and my friend Chris to accompany him as Frankenberry (because Chris owns two purple shirts).  Unfortunately, as with many other things in my life that are good, pure, and mocking, porn has gone and ruined my plan.

Now I’ll never be able to think of Count Chocula again without immediately flashing to the Count Cockula , which is apparently the must-have sex toy for anyone who wants to get their dick bitten off.

You see what I’ve been saying about Twilight, people?  Do you understand now?  First there’s a so-called “book” with the literary significance of a Cosmo quiz.  Then there’s a series of books.  Then there’s movies, and then there’s chubby fangirls with no concept of real life relationships getting all moist at the thought of some weirdo who watches them sleep and is one hell of a manic depressive.

THEN the gays start in on it and now we have sex toys that encourage “fang action” fellatio.  I had enough of a problem with the term “blow job” when I was younger (Me: There’s no blowing, is there?  Friend: HAHAHAHA), there is no need to teach people that what guys really want is more teeth.

Not to mention that it’s like fucking a soda can.

ed. – source DListed