I’ve been feeling especially shitty lately. It seems like every waking moment is filled with sadness, loneliness, frustration, and occasionally anger. I know it’s all linked to the Marley situation (plus maybe I’m getting my period), but knowing doesn’t really make any of it any better. I’m catching myself halfway through writing some pissy diatribe about the most ridiculous stuff, and then I go back and read what I’ve written and there’s nothing of substance there. No jokes. No nothing. Just a lot of vitriol that goes nowhere.
I’ve never been and I’m probably never going to be the person who starts singing in public or offers free hugs to strangers (think of the potential for lice), but I thought it might do me good to go completely against my instincts and write about stuff that doesn’t suck.
1. New books. I’m waiting on a few in the mail. Getting books delivered is the best thing. It’s like getting presents that you already forgot you bought with your own money. I’m especially happy to get these because I just finished everything in my “goddammit you better read these before even thinking about buying more” pile.
2. Sleep. Aside from the dreaded Monday night/Tuesday morning impossibility, I’m averaging about 7 hours a night. Thanks, routine and chamomile!
3. My friends. Especially everyone who said such nice things after Marley. I wasn’t angling for sympathy, but when it’s offered so freely, it makes me really happy that I chose not to live as a shack-dwelling recluse in Saskatchewan (or somewhere equally desolate).
4. Maturity. After Marley, I e-mailed Graham’s ex-girlfriend. She got Marley for him, so both of us thought it was only fair to let her know what had happened. I’ve never been jealous or anything like that, but just reaching out instead of ignoring her was a big step for me.
5. Three Cheers For The Weirs!!! Stay tuned because this shit is gonna be awesome!
6. Tattoos. I’m itching to get another. I already have a piece in mind for my left arm, as well as a cover-up for one of my shoulders, and I’m thinking that one of my legs should be an Audrey Kawasaki piece.
7. Thinking like I’m stoned. I’m back in Corporatia now so I can’t smoke, but I’ve been catching thoughts lately that sound like some Jake’s Leg fan sitting on a ugly couch watching VH1 retrospectives on mute. The other day, I thought “that guy looks like an unhappy sack of gravy.” And then I giggled to myself for like ten minutes.
8. Alcohol. I know all about my promise to drink only one night a week, but you know, with everything that’s been going on, I think I deserve a couple of exceptions. Plus….