Category Archives: I Eat

Beet This

Earlier this week, I texted Courtney: “First CSA e-mail of the yeeeeaaaarrrr!” She replied: “I almost forwarded it to you so I could say ‘YEAH!!!!’” This is about as well as either of us could convey our sentiments, although if … Continue reading

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Mystery Fireworks Jesus

By posting this, I hope that, thanks to the magic of the Internet, the person responsible for last night’s fireworks display at the Ballard Community Center ball field will be to see the following message: THANK YOU, MYSTERY FIREWORKS JESUS! … Continue reading

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What the Demon in Your Childhood Home Says About You

When I was a kid, we moved from the house I’d been born in (except nobody is actually born in homes anymore, but you know what I mean…from the time I was about three days old until many years later, … Continue reading

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To Love an Appliance

Now that our lease is signed and there’s a date on the move, I’ve begun gearing up for exactly how all of this works. I’ve already hired movers for the actual date, but everything that comes before that – from … Continue reading

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There’s Love in This Food

The other day, Luke posted the below on Facebook: “I always thought the saying “the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach” was a dumb cliché. Then I caught myself smiling in my heart when I was heating … Continue reading

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The Fetishist

I’ve done it. I’ve spent almost a whole month eating right and exercising. I’ve reduced the number of calories I’ve consumed, I’ve burned off more calories than I’ve eaten, I’ve made valiant efforts at curbing sodium (even though everything including … Continue reading

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Put That Garbage in Your Mouth

Operation Shit Robot is a go! I repeat, Operation Shit Robot is a go! After last week’s frustration over the Shit Robot and its attendant expensive accessories, Graham did some research on how to acclimate a cat to a self-cleaning … Continue reading

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Boom, That’s Spaghetti

The thing about not spending money on alcohol or going out to places where other people spend money on alcohol is that eventually, you forget what it’s like, meaning you forget what it’s like to be surrounded by drunks who … Continue reading

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Le Muhnew

Like most people who work a standard weekday daytime job, my favorite part of the week is when I leave work on Friday evening, because I know that’s when I have the most amount of time left before I have … Continue reading

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Fuckin’ Laser

It’s been almost a week since Justin and Stephanie left Seattle, and I feel like I’m just now recovering. When I returned to work on Monday, my boss – a Seattle native – asked what we’d done for the past … Continue reading

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