Monthly Archives: March 2013

I Will Fuck a Kid Up

Our neighbors are moving out! The ones who let their kids pee in our shared yard yet bitched about someone parking in the spot directly in front of the house! They’re leaving! Hooray! Apparently they bought a house in the … Continue reading

Posted in Everyone Else Is An Idiot, I Hate, WTF | Leave a comment

Not Like Cake

Last night, some retiree in Tacoma wandered around his neighborhood and fired a gun into some houses. It made sensational news around my office, mostly because holy shit some dude is shooting up his neighborhood but also because things like … Continue reading

Posted in Art, I Just Can't, Seattle, Writing, WTF | Leave a comment

In Bloom

Seattle is in bloom, making it the most beautiful city I’ve ever called home (and in the top five most beautiful cities I’ve ever seen). I’m no botanist, but in St. Louis I didn’t get amazed by plant life until … Continue reading

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Hello Boys and Ghouls

There’s a woman in my office called The Cryptkeeper, and by that I mean I call her that because that’s how she looks. In a department full of chubby suburban ladies, she looks rode hard and rail thin, the latter … Continue reading

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You Are a Failure

On the Steubenville rape case, which is so hugely disgusting that I can’t even write in proper paragraphs anymore: You are a failure as a human being if you rape someone. You are a failure as a parent if your … Continue reading

Posted in I Just Can't, Sads, WTF | 2 Comments

I Need an Adult

Bad news: I have a flat tire. Good news: It didn’t deflate until I got home from work. Bad news: It’s on the tire that requires those idiotic lug locks to be broken. Good news: I have AAA and was … Continue reading

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Stop Sweating You Idiot

I lost the will to drink myself unconscious on St. Patrick’s Day around the same time I started making money off of people who did. Which, according to Brendan Behan and my entire personal history, actually makes a lot of … Continue reading

Posted in I Just Can't, Seattle | Leave a comment

Joyful Joyful

Or, Freude, schöner Götterfunken… After a week of working overtime, I had two choices for a Friday night. One choice was the one I always make, which was to get drunk at home and watch Doctor Who. The other choice … Continue reading

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Riding Bikes, Learning Lessons

Almost all of the time, I love Seattle. I love that it’s green and I can see mountains and there’s public transportation and it’s relatively safe. I love that it’s walkable and I hear ships’ foghorns in the morning and … Continue reading

Posted in I Hate, I Just Can't, Seattle, WTF | 8 Comments

Birthday

I’m going to hang out at my friend’s place tonight for his 35th birthday party get together. His (Southern) significant other is cooking (authentic) (homemade) gumbo and we’re each supposed to bring booze and a board game. Fuck being back … Continue reading

Posted in I Heart